Yoga-ish

What was I thinking?

2010-09-29T05:13:00.003-05:00

Why on earth did I sign up for pre-7am notifications of my "not correct"? In an environment designed to change the way I do things? Take things that feel good already and make them feel different, adjust me in things I want to do independently. Then change the rules once in a while.

I'm not saying that any of this is bad or unnecessary for my progress as a human being. There's got to be a lesson in there, and the discomfort will be worth it.

I'm starting to get this protective/defensive feeling now of "this is mine" about my practice that was never there before. I'm sure it is ego (what else would it be?) and therefore not good, but it is so strong. Feeling a little toxic, been permeating my practice. Have to sort this out.

I'm tempted to practice at home for a while to get through it, but I absolutely love the community aspect of mysore and could never give it up entirely.

This surrendering stuff is hard. I don't have any answers.

Kapo and Karanda attempt

2010-07-24T09:28:00.008-05:00

Karanda clearly needs work, but I've ditched the props and I think the lack of stability is worth it...hoping that eventually this will help me learn to move my lotus through space. The exit makes me laugh, I totally straddled out in escape mode!

A few months back I crowed about getting my heels and it hasn't happened ONCE since then (serves me right), until today. Once my hands are at midsole, if I push the hips forward it gives me just enough space to finger-crawl the rest of the way. Also letting the elbows drift out a smidge doesn't hurt; not sure how technically correct it is, but I sure do it.

Haven't been blogging in a while, I decided to take a little break and try this thing where I don't think about practice when I'm not practicing...it was a useful exercise for sure. I'd been getting down on myself about things that were taking a long time. Have to remind myself I've got my whole life to do this - relax!

In practice notes, still trucking along with no giant breakthroughs, a couple months back I made a change to practicing in the mornings and while it took some adjustment I'm much much happier with morning practice now. It's good that yoga is my first decision of the day as opposed to my last. It makes it much easier to say yes to yoga and drag my ass to the mat. I don't even mind that I'm tighter in the morning - was discouraging at first but now it is the "normal".

It is Pride Week in my town, there is a parade today - Happy Pride all!!

The one that didn't get away

2010-05-10T18:42:00.005-05:00

Tittibasana B is here to stay. I can't think of a single other asana that came one day and never left again, but I guess this is the one for me.

How come these difficult poses are so much easier once we are finally able to do the "full" expression??

Heels in kapo or at least a solid grip on the outside of the feet, inherent dread and emotion aside, feels so much better than toes. FWIW I never realized that kapo was loaded for me until recently. So many people experience intense emotion in the pose and I just didn't. I thought I was missing something. Well I realized today that I dread it. Hard. I love it, love it, but I dread it too. That second before the hands connect to the floor, still some natural human response there that practice has yet to erase. I think I just scientifically put my emotions for kapo in the category of "of course you don't feel right, this is SO NOT RIGHT to do with your back" even though I don't feel discomfort (anymore). Despite sucking it up and doing it, it is still emotion, still a response, still deep down not-yet-getting-the-message that this is totally OK for my back, actually good for my back. Still taking extra breaths, still fussing with my bobby pins...is my Equa straight and smooth? Perfectly straight and smooth???? Out out damned wrinkle!!!!

And how much harder is Mari D or Yoganidrasana when your hands are flailing and fingers streetttttttching trying to get that connection? How much nicer does it feel when you get it and you can really snug it right in there in a big juicy KNOT!

Even downdog. Remember downdog before your shoulders did the bulk of the work of primary, of reverse namaste, of binds to open them? Before you learn the rotation and the range of motion in your shoulders, which ones are good and which to avoid? When it all lived in your shaking burning totally incapable triceps?

The work in my shoulders remains for me the most significant transformation in my ashtanga experience so far. Apparently, for me, there was more samskaras to burn in my shoulders than anywhere else I've encountered in the body so far. Doesn't mean I won't find another frontier...but the work I did in my shoulders really tested me. Maybe because there was no escape from it. Like yeah I'm coming along with LBH but not every posture asks me to do this movement. I go to it, then I get a break, get to something I'm good at. Get to throw my ego a bone. Shoulders, if they are weak, if they are (god forbid) in pain of any kind...you just can't get away. Facing it in pretty much every breath.

Sorry, just thinkin' and writin' I had no idea this post would be all about my shoulders, it started off with my head between my legs. Hahaha! My shoulders are in a happy place right now. But the honest, repetitive, inescapable work of a bajillion chaturangas changed me as a yogi more than any bend of any kind. So far. Titti B is great though :-)

Primary + Back Half of 2nd

2010-04-20T04:46:00.007-05:00

In Sunday's Led class we did full primary followed by 2nd half of 2nd (starting with LBH). Having all those forwards bends and supta K behind me, I managed an unassisted bind in Titti B for the first time and I actually eked out an unassisted Dwi Pada A as well.

That Titti B bind makes the whole thing feel so much better - I've noticed this before when I was adjusted into it. I feel tighter, more grounded and oddly more balanced...better able to straighten through the legs.

Are Supta K, Yoganidrasana and Dwi Pada easier than Eka Pada? For me they are, and I think it probably has a bit to do with my body proportions. In the video below I am trying an Eka Pada after a Led primary class for scientific purposes...how will I ever get it back there! Hahaha...my legs are longer than my torso...one tip I got from Kino in Dwi Pada was to lock my feet, which helps quite a bit but in Eka Pada with nothing to latch onto those suckers will not stay put.

Videos are great to temper my Titti B ego-fest! Especially the second side :-)

I'm confused about how to approach the movement from the very beginning. Should the hip be a bit open to the side or not really? I usually open my hip to the side a bit to get my shoulder back there, then swing it back to the front to take the leg over my head. I think different people approach it different ways but I have to wonder what the best way is for my body, with my long limbs and shorter torso. Clearly I've got some work to do to open my hips and keep my gangly tibia from slingshotting off my shoulder-neck! Of course, practice, practice, practice...

Saturday class - Viparita Dandasana prep

2010-04-18T06:41:00.003-05:00

In A's class on Saturday we did primary to Navasana without rounding the back or folding forward. All seated postures revolved around extension and lengthening...this was to warm us up with vinyasa and flow, but not close off the front spine for the backbending to come. I found this made my back work harder. The smaller muscles were doing more to keep me upright and lengthened when it would have felt natural to curl in and fold.

We then did 2nd to Kapotasana and repeated Kapo several times...very helpful work. Usually in mysore I'm rushing a bit through Kapo in order to make it out of the pose before I'm assisted, haha! It isn't the heel-grabbing assist I mind, I find it bothers my back when I am pulled out of it. No matter where my back is touched pulling me out it gets a little crampy when pressure is applied in an area where the muscle is already contracted. I find it much easier on my body to rise out of it naturally on my own so that is what I aim for - J is really cautious about her students in Kapo and she can't resist helping us out.

After Kapo we did a fun exercise which turns out to be viparita dandasana prep. We start out in sirsasana, bend the knees and arch the back drawing hips and chest back (same direction elbows are pointing) and feet slowly approaching the floor. At some point when you reach maximum extension you drop. Then come to UD and stand from it. SO FUN! I was scared to drop feet to floor first time but A assisted me and I wasn't nearly as far as I'd thought I was so I was happy to try on my own the next few times. Something about that stretch in Sirsasana made my back feel so open that standing from UD was easy for me yesterday. Bit of rocking, then UP! And back to the floor to do it again! I can hardly imagine the opposite motion, of bringing the feet BACK over the head...I hope we try it one day. This work was the closest I've come to tick tocks and it was exciting!

Practice notes, Kino workshop

2010-04-16T17:31:00.006-05:00

Last weekend, on a whim, I booked a flight to Toronto...Kino workshop! On Friday night, I headed to AYC Toronto for the demo, chanting and discussion. I haven't visited many shalas, but I immediately felt right at home in this one. It was cozy and had nice natural light...reminds me of my usual practice space.

Day 1 - demo...breathtaking. She did deep backbends, arm balances, LBH, twists...everything. Stunning!

After the demo was done, she wrapped herself in a shawl and proceeded to tell us that strength had always been her biggest challenge. I don't know why, but that made me feel relieved. There is hope! Strength was a theme we came back to again and again through the workshop.

"Strength is a decision you make"...every time you phone it in, you miss an opportunity to build strength. Every time you back away from an edge, you stand still. When you stay stuck in your comfort, you stop moving.

At first glance that might seem pretty darn close to "progress" and "linear" and "goal-oriented" but that's not the point she was making at all...or not the point I interpreted. She said when you encounter new, difficult, challenging, sometimes frightening situations on the mat, it's like a "laboratory" for life. Your response here will mirror your response in the real world. If you choose to acknowledge your discomfort, set it aside and move into the new/scary/challenging territory, you're building strength of character and not just strength in the body. It's not always supposed to feel good and warm and fuzzy and pretty...yeah doing your practice should make you FEEL GOOD, but working on yourSELF and your flaws and your deeply ingrained behavioral traits is not always going to be a walk in the park. Loved it, loved it as a metaphor for life and also as something I will be taking with me into my practice.

She mentioned that from early on asana demonstrates to us that the impossible is possible. So the very thing that looks insane to us in the beginning, we're doing it before we know it. Simply by facing it every day. The physical transformation in asana opens us to the personal transformation in yoga.

Day 2 - Mysore class. This was a large group so we were asked to stagger our times a bit. She also said we should practice the "series you want me to help you with". I was relieved. Because my background is a little different from many, I was a bit nervous about what to do for mysore - cognizant of the fact that a couple of my trouble spots would be where many others would be stopping and working, not moving on.

I did my 2nd and I'm glad I did. Despite the size of the crowd, I was adjusted in pretty near everything I had really hoped to get some help on. For a few asanas I waited quite a long time but I didn't even mind. There was an incredibly adept yogi in front of me and I was treated to an amazing display when I was waiting for an adjustment for several minutes! Turns out it was a teacher at AYCT, the hosting studio. Unreal!

On my last assisted backbend, she asked "Do you touch your heels?" and I said no but I went back and she asked me to walk them in and I touched. I could hardly believe it. So cool!

The afternoon session was all about strength so we worked on the foundation of a strong torso in a plank or other inversion...fingers, hands, chest, shoulders, abs, pelvis...and jumping back and through. We were given the same instruction as was given in ArkieYogini's blog, to bend the arms and walk the feet back. For the toe-tappers out there! I put it to work right away. Then we paired up and worked on floating up in sirsasana and piking to handstand (assisted).

Day 3 - Led primary. Two hours. Stick a fork in me, I am DEAD. Dropped my own ass in kukkutasana AND utpluthi. I was TOASTITOS.

Afternoon was all about backbending. We worked through the foundation of a supported backbend, with tucked pelvis, firm abs sucked in to spread the organs and make the waist small. Ribs up and out (serratus anterior?) with supporting muscles at work. Sternum up then raise arms...we paired up for assisted UDs and dropbacks.

Highlights, for me, were:
- the jumpback tips (hopefully one day the shuffleback will be a true jumpback)
- the surprising backbend assist she gave me
- the idea of strength as a choice I will make each time I practice

Flippy exit

2010-04-03T06:18:00.006-05:00

A few weeks ago, I had an introduction to the flippy headstand exit at another shala - lowering legs pike-style, then flipping yourself to chaturanga. Haven't been back there enough to practice it substantially and we don't do these exits in my usual studio.

So this week J showed me a similar headstand exit, which is more of a "timber" type move (no pike - body straight) and I found it much easier and really fun actually.

Now that I've learned the 7 headstands without a wall, I'm not really motivated to do them. I mean I know it is necessary practice at being upside down and being comfortable in sirsasana with hands in any formation...practice that will come in handy someday. But I'm just, um, bored with them. How can I make them more interesting? I'm not able to pike up in all of them yet, I do a little hop to a tuck and then straighten my legs. I suppose some pike work could keep me interested. But by the time I get to them I'm like blah, let's get this overwith and backbend. Must remember to pike next time.

I was playing around with Urdhva Kukku A a bit (yes I'm a criminal). I can get the lotus in headstand part no problem (someone tell me WHY this doesn't come before Karandavasana...for Pete's sake) and the lowering to upper arms/armpits but lifting the head? Nuh-uh. How in the hell? Yipes. Zipping up the arms in C is fun, but I get stuck below my elbows. Someday! No rush there, plenty to work on in 2nd.

Today's fun class was completely restorative, a series of 3 minutes holds...all of them were internal rotations of the legs. It was exactly what I needed, I've been feeling really tight all week (I didn't practice during my trip so coming back to it is always a bit painful). I remember each time I go more than a couple of days without practicing why I'm supposed to do this daily (or nearly daily). It IS easier.

The weather here is mild today, which means BBQ! And probably some wine. I love long weekends.

Also the bread break went well! We made a reunion loaf last night. I'm determined to enjoy responsibly, ie. not at every meal and upon every whim of the moment.

Tomorrow I'm going to do 2nd, either as self-practice or at a nearby shala. The custom at the nearby shala is full vinyasa in 2nd so my choice will depend greatly on my wine consumption tonight and resulting energy level tomorrow, haha!

Happy Easter weekend all :-)

Back in town

2010-03-31T19:03:00.003-05:00

Lots going on the past 2 weeks - trip home to see my folks and a baby shower, then a wedding in South Carolina last weekend. Busy! I have to say, Southern people have to be the friendliest, sweetest people EVER. Any where we went I would be gawking and gandering at things (like a tourist) and randomly by accident catch someone's eye. And everyone smiles. It's so weird, the first day I kept checking my shirt to see if I had crap on it or something on my face or had this eery feeling everyone knew something amusing that I didn't know.

But no, it was just a basic human reaction - when you catch eyes with someone you smile! And get off on the right foot! I mean I live in a small city so it isn't like people are completely closed off but I'm not in the habit of looking strangers in the eye and smiling (mainly cause I walk home from work in the dark quite a bit - no stranger danger for me). I loved it and started smiling back. I felt like Mary Poppins by the end. Such sweet people!

Had a nice basic half primary tonight, J was putting on a community class at lulu and several peeps from the studio were there to support her! She's doing led 2nd tomorrow evening at the studio, hopefully my job behaves itself and I can make it.

I'm really looking forward to a weekend at home after being away the past two. I'm going to fill it with yoga and homecooked meals. And maybe some chocolate bunnies. Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Bake Me a Bread Coffin

2010-03-15T16:38:00.003-05:00

So I've gone a little overboard on the, um, breadbaking the past 6 weeks. Since my little kitchenaid showed up and I discovered the amazing things I could make with it!

I've gained about 5 pounds purely from loaf consumption - can't really pin it on anything else. Maverick has been eating it too, but he couldn't gain weight if he swallowed a brick of gold. He does feel like he could use a break too though...so we've declared the house a bread-free zone for the next couple of weeks. I'm already in withdrawal!

It's just so easy...and, comforty...and buttery...why have an apple when you can have toast? Why have a salad when you can have grilled cheese?

Haha, you see how it goes. We will make an Easter loaf but until then no bread!

It's a moon day so no ashtanga...I will be doing some stretches and working on LBH. I took a clip yesterday that was too absurd to post, but I think I can see what part of my problem is. I'm bringing my knee back, which is great, and stuffing everything back there - but my ankle isn't back nearly as far. Think I will try some pigeons with my knee at a right angle and shin parallel to front of mat, get my femur more rotated externally (if that makes sense). Then maybe some more karanda tries!

Hips, Cheesed, Led Intermediate

2010-03-14T15:07:00.002-05:00

Normally in A's Saturday fun class we do lots of backbending. Yesterday, I was excited when she told us that we'd be doing hip openers. I love backbending, but right now my biggest block is the hips so I was thrilled to learn some stretches and work on them. We ran out of time and didn't actually make it to LBH but I did learn a few things I can do when I play at home. We did pigeon on a chair, it was crazy hard but I could tell it worked. I felt like Beyonce walking down the street afterward. All pop and snap and shaZAM with those hips!

After class I grabbed a coffee with a yogini friend and then we wandered up to lululemon...I've been hauling my big black mat between two studios with an annoying strap holder thing and I decided it was time for a mat bag. Something a little easier on my shoulder hopefully with some extra storage to boot. Didn't see anything that fit the bill, however I picked up a gift for someone and a strap for myself (the one I've been using for karanda doesn't have buckles and constantly slides apart).

The lulu checkout girl rang in my order, looked at the strap and said, "you'll have to let me know how this works". I was puzzled and said, "really? sure." thinking it better work as it cost eight dollars. She elaborated, "well I don't use a lot of props in my practice so..."

I gotta say, I was a little cheesed and felt oddly defensive? Takes quite a bit to miff me (perhaps you've noticed my maddening good nature, my writing is peppered with emoticons and exclamation points - can't help it! just happy!) but that annoyed me. I reined in my ego, politely asked for my receipt and complained to my ashtangi pal after we left the store - she thought it was hilarious!

Yeah it meant nothing, just feeling defensive about my props. I don't use them when I practice traditional ashtanga. I use them when I "play"! Slippery slope maybe…

So today in Led (I'm over it - back to happyland) we did full primary and intermediate. Yowza. It was a blazing hot energyfest for 2 1/2 hours. Stick a fork in me, I am DONE. I have done nothing but soak in epsom salts then lie on the couch and listen to my iPod this afternoon.

Karanda attempt

2010-03-09T20:02:00.004-06:00

Plenty of work to do, but it's a start. The thing I'm holding between my hands is a flip-flop, I got the idea from a video I saw on Youtube - I think it was a pincha tutorial. It helps a lot with the stability, not something I'd want to use forever but it helps keep things lined up if I'm going to be trying it a few times in a row.

Been able to do lotus in headstand for a while but my pincha has never been stable/consistent enough for me to feel confident giving karanda a try without someone adjusting me. Something about Nancy telling me to learn to fall, and to just keep trying had me thinking about this one since I got back from Goa.

And long live the liberator in all it's black velvet glory!! Is there anything this prop can't help with? :-)

Led Primary

2010-03-07T06:09:00.005-06:00

J is back next Sunday so we'll be back on the Led Intermediate train (yay!), but I was leading the practice group today so we did Primary.

I'm glad I'm not doing primary all the time anymore, it makes me love it again. I'm also finding that 2nd has helped my primary a lot...Supta K feels better (LBH work), my nemesis bhujapidasana is smoother (bakasana and tittibhasana work). Even the shuffleback has benefited from something, maybe bandha is a teensy bit stronger? Of course it's still a shuffle, no flying and floating for this gal yet.

I need to get my brain off LBH. I haven't been obsessing about the other asanas and eventually things just come together. There are other things I can't do in 2nd that I'm completely OK with. I accept that I'll learn them and do them in time, with practice but LBH really brings out my emotion/attachment/defeat. I guess it is part of my lesson maybe. Everyone finds a roadblock they struggle with somewhere and LBH is definitely mine.

Someday I will be a good yogi and not obsess about any of it and just DO IT and then let it go...I'm not there yet :-)

It is beautiful here today, the sun is shining and it is the nicest weather we've had in weeks. Maverick and I are going to walk to a nearby art gallery this afternoon and see some pretty things. Then we will make our freestyle vegetarian lasagna for dinner...mmmm!

Heels

2010-03-06T08:55:00.004-06:00

I've been so preoccupied with LBH, that backbends haven't been something I have really been pining for. This morning, however, after it happened, I felt (and feel) like a five-year-old on Christmas morning.

I got my heels! Towards the end of a fun and intense non-traditional class, including just the right mix of quad, groin and shoulder openers (along with many others), I reached my heels in kapo.

Dropping back I hung and held and waited and breathed, finding the balance point with the hips far forward. I could see my toes. I tucked my tailbone in a big scoop and aaaaaaaaaarched my thoracic (yes, with 9 a's) and let my hands land quietly on my mat just a short distance from my toes. Spider-crawled my fingers in and heard A instructing someone else to try walking along the outside of the feet...changed tactics and crawled up the outside...past toe, footpad, midsole...holy crap, past midsole??? Kept going, scoop hips, take bandha, push hips forward, crawl aaaaaaall the way up to heels and BIND. Glorious!

I let my elbows descend to the floor and breathed deeply 5 times. No panic, no pain, it felt amazing (which is remarkable considering the bitching my back has been doing lately).

So usually when I have a breakthrough like this, it shows up and blinds me with happiness and excitement, then goes away for a while. It always comes back though. So I expect the same for heels in kapo. Now that it has shown up, I know it will be back, so I'm going to let it go. But only after treating myself to a massage to celebrate :-) Happy Saturday everyone!

Led Intermediate

2010-02-28T11:41:00.003-06:00

Today, with assistance, I bound Tittibhasana B for the first time...I hadn't been assisted into it before and the closest I'd come on my own was a fingertip brush. Boy that clasp makes a world of difference! I could ground my heels, really work on straightening the legs more and coming through them. Felt great, demanding on the quads still, but great...I had always wondered why this one didn't seem to be coming to me although I can do Supta K and (usually) Yoganidrasana. I'll be asking for this assist for a while I think...it's got to help me manage it on my own.

This was also a teacher I hadn't been to before so I enjoyed a new/different perspective. I like the idea of having a regular teacher for consistency but I think it is good to hear a different voice once in a while....not because one is better or worse, but sometimes it is valuable to hear something explained to you in a different way. There are so many ways to describe asana. The energy, the anatomy, the mechanics/physics...each teacher usually leans more toward one way. Sometimes I'm so dense that need all 3 ways for it to sink in!

Kapo was actually nice today, I got footpads alone with less discomfort than I've been feeling lately.

Pincha was sweet! The teacher assisted me for the first 5 breaths then left me and I held for another 4-5 on my own in the middle of the room.

Gold medal game today, so excited. Probably going to make mudslides. Mudslides are like the best thing ever, Vodka, Irish Cream, Kahlua, Ice Cream and Ice in the blender, with chocolate sauce for garnish. They are a special treat for special days. An Olypic gold medal hockey game where Canada has a shot is one of those occasions! GO CANADA!!

Props galore

2010-02-27T09:00:00.005-06:00

The Saturday class I look forward to all week is a non-traditional intro to 2nd series and features backbending, long holds, and a ton of props. I love it! Today we used the wall, straps, blocks, sandbags and my new favorite, the chair.

We started out with supta virasana forever, then I'm-not-effin-kidding-you like 25 sun salutations. 5As, 5Bs and at least 15 anjaneyasana variations (sp?) some with hands pushing on front thigh, some with arms up, some with back knee on ground. All designed to get into the groin and hip and quad. Let me just say, namaste to you if you've done 108 sun salutations. I have never done it and I don't think I could!

I was dripping with sweat before we even began the asanas...A spoke to us about pashasana in a way I hadn't thought of it before - as a chest opener. My tendency is to tuck and round and get low to get the bind but she urged us to open to back shoulder and lift the chest. Got a great adjustment here. She spread my shoulder/hip, and I felt like the space between them doubled - it was crazy!

What can I say about the chair? It's amazing, I want one in my house...just a standard, folding gymnasium seating-type chair with all kinds of places for you to stick arms/legs, grab with hands and open your back.

The best thing about the chair is the support. I'm still working through whatever the hell is going on with my back. I don't know what it is, but I think 2nd is putting me through some physical confusion. I've kinda lost my backbends - there is pain in the lumbar and SI. So the support allows me to keep that area from participating too much, while getting into other areas that maybe weren't pulling their weight before, like shoulders and thoracic, even triceps. It is amazing what the hard edge of a chair can create in your shoulder blades. It doesn't hurt, it just starts with an unfamiliar discomfort and we hold it long enough that it starts to feel absolutely great.

I'm dying to do kapo in this class. We've done it once or twice before, but generally by the end of class I feel so open I just want to try everything!

Best part - in UD I felt something very different and it felt great. I think it was the groin work...I hope I'm not crazy. I think my pubic bone actually pushed through my hips bones and forward. Is that possible? Am I nuts? I felt this crazy mobility in the front of hips that I don't think I've experienced before. It felt great for my low back, whatever it was.

Anyway, I might check out a different led 2nd class tomorrow. I haven't been to this one before (it isn't my usual studio) and I will probably be stopped at one of my trouble points but that's OK.

Happy Saturday!

Also FRIGGIN EH CANADA!!! Way to go against the Slovaks last night...I can't wait for the gold medal game Sunday. We watched the women's curling last night too, and while I don't know much about curling, it was plain to see that Cheryl Bernard is amazing. I actually felt sick when we lost in the extra end.

Sunday Led

2010-02-21T12:32:00.002-06:00

Today was a nice practice. The studio was freezing when we arrived, the door had been left open overnight so it was about 11C in there. Agh! I started to panic slightly and then a few people showed up and everyone agreed we'd heat it up with our movement. I was leading today (so no full led intermediate). There were only 5 today (no surprise as numbers dwindle when J leaves town) and given the lack of heat we decided to do primary and then 2nd up to Ustrasana.

So first time speaking during practice? Difficult! But manageable. It wasn't as bad as I had expected. I lost count during the sun salutes (ha! I think we ended up doing extra of both A's and B's) and was most worried about keeping the pace reasonable. My natural tendency is to practice fast, which I've been trying to correct. I asked for feedback after and all agreed it wasn't too fast so I was really relieved. It was actually really fun!

Mysore tomorrow, assuming I get out of the office on time - looking forward to some intermediate.

Intermediate = my practice

2010-02-19T16:59:00.003-06:00

The biggest change since Goa has been my commitment to make intermediate my practice. To use every mysore class I go to as an opportunity to do intermediate, and intermediate only. To not miss a Sunday led intermediate class (a new treat we're enjoying at the shed). I'm in it. I'm intermediate! Whether I can do it or not.

This change is awesome. I bloody LOVE intermediate now and I used to hate it. Been talking for months before Goa about just doing it and there I'd be, in flipping dandasana, doing primary, every mysore class.

I've noticed how powerful the breath aspect is, and how the pace and intensity of the breath affects the pace and intensity of the practice. If you're at 100% take the breathing down and back a notch. If you need to get your body off the floor in nakrasana, take it up a notch.

Another change is that I have a sudden and weird interest in 3rd series. Which I can't believe I am writing here, but there it is - embarrassing me as I reread it. Obviously not tomorrow or next month or next year, but some part of my mind has just accepted or become comfortable with the idea that I will probably learn more than primary and intermediate in this lifetime. 6 months ago that would have seemed completely unfathomable to me. Intermediate was more than I could bite off and chew. (It's still all I can chew).

So those are the biggest things. Asana-wise I don't think I have anything mind-blowing to report. It just all feels a bit better in a way that likely isn't visible...it all feels more cohesive in that I'm not exploding and panting at random intervals through it (much). Still can't do all the things I couldn't do before, LBH, Mayurasana, Karanda etc...but the effort feels...less strenuous? More enjoyable?

I'm leading a practice group on sunday, which will be fun. It isn't really teaching, I just practice and call the counts and asanas, everyone's familiar with the practice - I've never done that before so I think it will be interesting!

Goa Recap #7 - final

2010-02-19T16:37:00.004-06:00

Nadi Shodhana - alternate nostril breathing, the right side is heating, the left side is cooling. If you are plugged in one, your body temperature will reflect it. Also apparently putting your fist under the opposite armpit will help to clear it. I was clogged on the same side every day we did this but I can't remember which side now (am a bit clogged in both today - there is my gross update).

Today we talked about home practice. Nancy said she herself enjoys her home practice and that many people "figure things out" at home that they may not in the studio so it is important to try it. That is true for me, personally, and I know it is for many. We discussed modifications for postures at home that we usually need adjustments for. Supta Vajrasana, she said a heavy piece of furniture will do - try to bind yourself, but OK to use a strap if you can't do so yet. I finally got the guts up to ask a question and it was the dreaded karandavasana. If you normally take the adjustment, how should you practice at home? She asked me if I could get into lotus up there (no) so she said to work on that, but that it was important to learn to fall safely so that I wouldn't have fear. She was really kind and basically said just get up there and do your best :-)

V asked about the difference between tucking the tail or sticking out the butt (for lack of a better description!) in backbends and the answer was that it depends on the body but for most the tuck is most appropriate. Same with the feet. She demonstrated the foot position she learned to drop back and come up in and it was wide-legged with toes pointed slightly out. Different feet and hips for different people. I loved this. She did stress that lifting the heels is not good - the importance of grounding.

Saturday as a traditional rest day? Nancy is pretty sure that Saturday was chosen by Guruji's family as it was the best or most convenient day to have together. She didn't think it was overly important which day you take rest as long as it is one day a week. I also love this as Saturday I don't work and it is easy to practice. Moon days and ladies holidays are non-negotiable in her mind though. I must confess to observing neither of these (aside from the occasional unbearable LH when I welcome it).

Last week of practices: I did intermediate every day. Sadly, my back did not recover for about 3 weeks so I was unable to drop back or come up, or have a comfortable Kapo in my remaining time there (I made do with crummy, crappy ones - no skipping). I did, however, have zero complication and got plenty of great advice on the non-backbending areas of my practice and I enjoyed every moment. The "pushing out" with the elbows in Pincha has stayed with me, and I shared it with a pal at my home studio this week - she was also thrilled. I have just started dropping back again this week and am glad to have it back.

A few interesting things happening in my practice and I will share them in another post now that the Goa chapter is closed :-)

Brief non-Goa interlude

2010-02-08T17:05:00.002-06:00

Maverick dabbled in a few power yoga classes when I started up in 2005 but it never really stuck for him as he was surfing and running and doing lots of other things. It has been years since he's done any yoga.

He finally took a beginner Ashtanga class this weekend (Primary to Navasana) and had this to say the following day:

"I hurt in all the places you've ever complained about."

I am loving this.

Goa Recap #6

2010-02-07T06:24:00.004-06:00

Monday practice - back to intermediate, have some low back pain so I'm not going to push it. Even Shalabhasana feels weirdly congested and achy. I focus on pulling myself forward as much as possible and try not to worry about kapo. Sigh.

This is the first time Kapo has caused me real anxiety. For me this pose has been all about exhilaration and excitement and "rush", not fear and claustrophobia. Today I am scared as I go back and feel my lumbar & SI protest. It isn't injury-pain but it is at the very northern tip of discomfort and I know better than to push it. Proceeding with caution. Toes, breathe, up. Relief. Dropbacks will be out of the question today.

Bakasana was very nice. I am really trying to pull my feet higher every day. Starting to feel myself bringing a bit more bandha to the party and less brute force as the feet rise up higher. Also now that it is more reliable/stable getting in and staying in, I'm trying to use core strength to scootch my knees in a little higher once I'm up. It's probably imperceptible but even doing it in my head is a start. The higher the feet, the more comfortable the jump back.

Dwi pada arrives and I try it on my own, the real thing, for the first time. I've always either modified it or been adjusted into it. I allow myself the struggle today. Surprisingly, I get the left leg back there - I balance precariously and try to swing my right leg up. It catches momentarily, my head is deeply bowed, but I hook into the balance needed and I can see just for a breath, what it will feel like to do this on my own. Right leg slips out, but I feel utterly thrilled with this small victory, and I modify for the rest of the breaths.

I bust out my old man tittibhasana, with superbent legs and I decide for fun to try straightening them in A. They can actually go straighter, I've just been lazy. My theory on this is that before Goa I haven't really learned to manage my energy in 2nd. By the time Tittibhasana rolls around I'm dead. My Titti A is just dead weight swinging in the breeze. I engage and lift and it's much better. Still bent but better. Still can't bind B-C-D on this mother but I get a fingertouch today which is lovely.

S's elbows-out advice for pincha worked today!! I get up there and hold 5 breaths and am amazed! The idea is not to physically move the elbows out but concentrate on "pushing" outwards (this likely has the real physical impact somewhere in the shoulders but forearms are easier to instruct and have that tangible connection with the ground) and the difference is amazing. I am so stable that I bring my right leg in to my hip and I seriously start thinking about the left...ZOMG!

J appears and watches for a second. I lose it and come down - we're going to do his karanda-vrischi adjustment today. In Vrischi, I have to tell him when to stop as he rounds my body for (presumably) a head-toe connection. My lower back is not on board with this at all. I hope he doesn't think I'm a big baby, I probably should have mentioned my back beforehand. I thank him afterward. That was a highlight.

Headstands feel dynamite today. I hopped the legs up together for most of them and didn't need a wall touch for the toughies - must learn pike. So many things!

Moral of the story, even when backbends suck the practice can be great. Leave it with the pose and move on to the next.

At breakfast there was a designer selling her jewelry. I am smitten with a gorgeous, giant blue topaz ring and immediately claim it. She tells me it isn't part of her normal collection, and it's the only one she's ever made. Perfect.

Goa Recap #5

2010-02-03T03:13:00.002-06:00

Saturday, rest day - last night we went to Shorebar, had pina colada followed by wine. I was soooooo excited! Practice has been feeling so good, I'm torn between being glad for a rest and worried I will lose my steam (as if that matters). After the nightcap, I had my longest, deepest sleep since arriving - a full 8 hours. Actually used a blanket for the first time last night.

Still not eating much, not sure what it is. Lost my appetite, not food-motivated at all, which is incredibly unusual for me. I have to figure it is the different flavors, because my nature is to crave food all.of.the.time. So in order to keep energy up, if I ever do feel hungry I just eat as much as I can. Not terribly scientific, but seems to be working.

Speaking of which, we're now at the German Bakery and I've just ordered a cheese sandwich, fruit juice and delicious coffee. E and I skipped out early in the morning to get a quiet coffee and breakfast.

I'm wondering if there will be a demonstration of 3rd series at some point in the retreat. I'd love to see it, having never seen it in the flesh (no one practices advanced at my shala) but understand how weird that would be for someone to demo their practice. It would be Jason and we'd have to get up early to watch (fine by me, up anyways). We'll see if it comes up.

Poolside afternoone - I spoke to a girl who was stopped at a pose in primary for 2 years. I admire her dedication and non-attachment and ability to surrender to the teacher/process without ego. I'm weaker than that, I would have moved on, I know it. I feel fortunate to be learning in the environment I'm learning in - not that it is any better or worse than any other environment, but it works for the type of person I am.

Miss maverick.

Epiphany of the day - Practicing daily is much easier on the body than randomly or even 4 times per week, huh? Today, rest day, is the first time I feel sore, following led primary which killed me with the pace.

Sunday - today felt off right from the start. So I decided to do primary to navasana then eka pada. I made it to the tittibhasanas then started to feel dizzy and blackness coming into my eyes. I went to close, no dropbacks. Blech. Tomorrow will be better.

Nancy tells us that primary and intermediate are sufficient for physical wellness. Her opinion is that advanced is necessary for god realization. She herself practices advanced and feels that everyone should learn (when they're ready).

I asked Jason about my "zoning out" which is something I have wondered about for a long time. It's not "wandering off", it's not making a grocery list, or thinking about work, it's just lost time I guess. I wake up to my breathing and don't remember the last 5 things I did. He said he thinks that's fine, why do you need to remember the last 5 things you did. Haha, when put that way I agree!

Cucumber + Melon + Mint = delicious Juice from the Juice bar down by the pool. This one is my favorite.

Starting to think about a long bubble bath in a clean tub and my king-size bed at home.

Goa Recap #4

2010-02-01T16:18:00.003-06:00

Thursday Q&A:

Pashasana - one of those things that some people get right off the bat, with heels down, and others work 10 years for. She advised (as something to try, not necessarily every time) grounding the heels and taking right shoulder to left knee then reaching forward with left arm (instead of wrapping) to get the feeling of being grounded while maintaining balance. You could try gripping the front of the mat with left hand to keep you there. Unfortunately even this is impossible for me, so tight are my achilles.

Utpluthi - 100 breaths as fast as you can do em, with equal inhales and exhales. I've been doing 25-30 so I decide to give it my best shot tomorrow. She couldn't even do one breath when she arrived to learn from SKPJ (he held her) and at the end of 4 months was doing 100.

Pregnancy - no twists, no navasana. Bharadvajasana is the modification for Mari C&D. Each practitioner is different and will need something different. (She said more on this, I kinda zoned out cause I'm not planning kids immediately - sorry!)

Back rounding or straight - she mentioned maha mudra (Grimmly, thought you would like this)! She showed us pictures from Yoga Mala where SKPJ was not straight or elongated. She said he taught them to first make a forehead to knee connection then slide the nose and chin forward, all the while head touching the leg.

Full Vinyasa - is OK once in a while if losing heat or if it feels right. I was surprised by her answer to this as I didn't think it was traditional to do so but she seemed very flexible on it if it was occasional.

Tone - have fun, laugh, don't be too serious. The atmosphere when she was learning was more like a gymnasium, with talking laughing and joking.

Splitting and practice length - if you practice both, you can either alternate primary and intermediate or do all intermediate except for once a week. When you know all of intermediate you can do that, or full primary then start at eka pada to finish 2nd. Or primary to navasana then start at pashasana. With proficiency, the practice should become shorter, not longer. A good exercise is to knock minutes off your practice until it becomes as fast as you can do it, then add minutes until it becomes as slow as you can do it. Somewhere in between is the middle ground. Breathing sets the pace. In her personal practice, she does 1st-2nd-3rd twice in a row to make her full week.

Surya B - tough to keep the correct breath here, when bringing the leg forward. Her advice is always to move faster to be in line with the breath, rather than holding or taking extra breaths. Although taking more breath is preferable to holding it, always.

Backbends - when she learned, UD wasn't a part of finishing. In fact, when they practiced primary, finishing was the final 3 lotus postures. UD was taught after intermediate. Dropbacks definitely weren't taught until all of intermediate was done (I forget about shoulderstand and fish pose, when these came into play). I found this interesting, and it made sense to me. Probably the biggest departure from the norm, but I like it and as she said, it's how she learned. Doesn't mean it stayed that way but it's how she learned in the beginning. (See disclaimer!! hahaha)

Friday Led class - Realizing that I practice much too quickly. This class was very difficult for me, because I found the movements much slower than I am used to. Legs were shaking! Got a great shoulderstand adjustment from Jason, he lifted me up so I could completely turn my shoulders out and get them under me. It felt amazingly straight. I did 80 (superfast) breaths in utpluthi.

Goa Recap #3

2010-02-01T03:30:00.003-06:00

Tuesday night I slept poorly, the dogs are just utterly insane here. I laid in bed for a few hours staring at mosquito net then got up at 6 to make a nice coffee and sit. There is no talk Wed night so we're doing the beach.

I miss Maverick. And I'm dreaming (literally) about BBQ ribs. Awful, awful. This has motivated me to reduce my meat intake though, which is a great thing. I'm not actually missing it daily, it just shows up in dreams. I also dreamed of bread/buns....guess I am a bit attached to preparing my own meals. The food here is lovely and usually delicious but sometimes it just isn't what I want. I've been eating far less than normal and I don't even feel hungry. Kind of nice to be reminded how little food I actually need (when flavors and preparation are in my control, I'm apt to stog my face). Sleeping far less too and not feeling tired/dreary.

2nd again today. Got a wicked Supta Vaj adjustment from Jason, he got me to bind my toes at the top each time and then lose them as I go back. I noticed that J loved this adjustment so I'm hoping she'll bring it back to Hali. I can immediately see how this will help eventually stay bound for the whole thing. Ardha Matsyendrasana felt like a dream afterward too, I felt like I could grab my whole ankle my shoulder/ribs were so open!

LBH, sigh, sigh. I suck at this. But I do it anyway. Nancy came over and rocked my world with a Dwi Pada assist. She somehow helped me orient my hips better (in a way I don't fully understand) and coached me verbally to bend the legs (don't straighten, don't straighten!) and point my feet. She pushed my chest through and it was comfortable. I was thrilled. I thanked her afterward, it was the most comfortable assisted Dwi Pada I've ever experienced. Maybe my body does this? Who knew?

I crapped out on dropbacks again. I stood and arched and did some hangbacks. Waited a few minutes (lot of people dropping back at the same time) and then got nervous and gave up. Got annoyed with myself at dinner (how's that for being present, haha!) for coming halfway around the world to skip my flipping dropbacks. J really helped me, she said "it doesn't have to happen all on the same day, it's OK Katie". She's right. But I'm doing them tomorrow.

Thursday - Intermediate again, I'm on a roll. It feels better every day, truly. I'm starting to realize what I've known all along and haven't made a reality. Intermediate is my practice, warts and all. It doesn't make me feel good about myself, it doesn't feel smooth or easy or nurturing. But it's my practice and I have to do it, always. No more defaulting to primary, unless its led. Point finale!

In Kapo I spidered my fingers past the footpad, easily. Why have I been stopping at toes forever? Thank you, Nancy.

Dropbacks. I stand, I arch, I hang, I wait. I fidget, I think. I wonder...I almost sit down. I don't. Nancy appears and takes me through the funnest part of the trip. Now I'm not used to dropback assists, I've had them kind of erratically and more from A than from J, few and far between. So I get her to coach me through the breathing and we do:

- 3x back on an exhale just barely touch the hands to mat, then up on an inhale (quickly)
- 3x hands across chest, back halfway
- 1x down and hold for a breath and come up

For the rest of the day, the 1000 volts of electricity running through my body are very pleasant! I feel so happy I did it.

Goa Recap #2

2010-01-31T05:53:00.004-06:00

Practice # 2: I did primary again, then 2nd up to Ustrasana. Nancy helped me in Pashasana by grounding my heels first then wrapping the arm. I was leaning my full weight into her because my heels are nowhere near touching the ground. She is surprisingly strong, for such a slight woman. The practice feels good, again, the floor is quiet because it seems to be concrete so the jumps sound light whether they are or not.

In the evening talk, Nancy tells us that when she first learned Ashtanga, she learned both primary and intermediate in 4 months. She was very weak and ill at the time and not able to jump back or through. Guruji helped her by carrying her forward and back between postures. They did only 3 A's and 3 B's in those days, and she encouraged us to try this out the next practice, even just 5 A's and 3 B's. I had mixed feelings about this. For one, I am all about conserving energy for 2nd, but for two, every bit of opening helps especially before 2nd! Haha! Having faith I immediately switched to 3Bs for the rest of the retreat and was fine. I will try to do this in Canada too but the cold weather might make the extra B's necessary.

Breathing - the most important thing is that the length of the inhales and exhales should be the same. Even if every inhale is not the same length. Ideally they are all the same but most can't do that for a while. So aim for inhales and exhales of equal length and then for all equal breaths.

One of Nancy's assistants joined our table at dinner. After some chatting, he encouraged E and I to do 2nd for the rest of the retreat. He said that's why you're here, to learn and to improve and to get our help. The postures don't have to be perfect. E and I were relieved and decided to do as much 2nd as possible for the rest of the retreat.

Practice #3 - bit the bullet and did full 2nd. Another great pashasana adjustment from Nancy. I went into Kapo on my own, taking my toes, then I felt someone lightly lift my head, place it back about 2 inches and hike my fingers up to midsole - it was Nancy and then she was gone. It all happened so quickly, a half-breath, it was amazing - there was no fear and minimal sensation either. It made me realize that if such little negotiation and fanfare is needed to reach midsole, it is something I should be doing on my own daily.

Dropback drama. I skipped them. I was worried, scared, unsure, tired? I am more comfortable doing dropbacks at home alone with minimal warmup than in a studio or with a master teacher after a full practice - splain me that? Weird. I tell myself I'll do it tomorrow.

Disclaimer: I have a poor memory and sloppy shorthand...these entries are to help my own recollection of the retreat, and for your entertainment. I couldn't possibly recount everything Nancy or her assistants shared with us...you should really see her yourself to get the full picture. Any views of hers that I share here are things that made an impact on me or altered my view of life/practice - not meant to be controversial in any way. I hope you enjoy!

Goa Recap #1

2010-01-30T23:31:00.005-06:00

I am unfit for global travel due to being geographically retarded. Until shortly before take off (from Halifax, on Canada's East Coast), I'm convinced that we will be crossing the Pacific Ocean to get to India. Also, it is only after we land in Doha that I realize Doha is not in India. It is in Qatar. We flew Qatar Airways. And yet all of this is bewildering news to my Gravol-ridden brain.

We arrive in Goa to find that the driver we arranged is not waiting for us. None of us had the foresight to write down the phone number or address of the retreat. A number of cabbies descend upon us, trying to take our suitcases out of our hands. They have no idea where Purple Valley is. Thanks to the kindness of strangers (in this case, airport staff) after an hour or so of hanging about, we get a printout of the address off the internets and secure a ride. Even at 4am with few people on the road, the ride is predictably swift and terrifying.

Our room is rustic, lovely and insanely hot. Think it might be due to the lights having been left on all night in anticipation of our 4am arrival, we’ll see tomorrow.

There is a chalkboard proclaiming Beginners at 7:40am, Mysore at 8:00am. For some reason, likely exhaustion, this sets off a wave of anxiety in me. I think it has been called imposter syndrome before. Do I belong here? Is this a trick? Do I deserve to be in India? Am I a beginner? What time do I go? Decide that I’m on vacation and shouldn’t be worrying so much. After 2 hours of dozing, we make our way down to the shala for the 8am start time. Apparently there are no beginners because everyone seems to arrive at the same time. Phewf.

Despite jet lag, exhaustion and dehydration, it is one of the most comfortable practices of my life. Primary feels nurturing, as it should. The warmth and humidity bathe my joints, and everything feels easy. I am parked behind a large support pole and blissfully I do not notice much of anything else going on in the room although there are 40-50 other people practicing. I score an amazing Paschimottanasana squish from Nancy herself. She is superlight and confident in her touch and very quick.

We convene for the evening discussion and mainly cover admin/etiquette. The rules:

Take care when rolling your mat and towel out or up if someone is practicing next to you. Don’t kill their tapas by sending a breeze their way. Makes perfect sense, we have this rule at home too. Eliminate “flourishes” (I didn’t 100% understand this, but I take it to mean any movement outside of the breath count or traditional description of a posture) and keep to your mat, being aware of others in the space around you. Bring a small towel for the assistants to use when adjusting you. Bring a name tag for the front of the mat for a few days so the adjusters can learn names. Raise your hand or wait for help if you need to be adjusted in a pose. Skip vinyasa between sides if you’re being adjusted.**note here: it wasn’t clear if this is general etiquette or simply a logical way to spread 3 adjusters across a room of 40-50 people more efficiently. Regardless, as soon as I started practicing intermediate, on day 3, I was very grateful for this rule as the wait for an adjustment could be a few minutes if you were hitting backbends or karanda at the same time as a few others.

No Place Like Home

2010-01-30T16:00:00.002-06:00

I'm so happy to be back in Canada! Even though it is motherflippin' cold.

Goa was incredible. I took a pile of notes following daily practices, during the information sessions and after a couple of small chats with Nancy. I will be sharing these over the coming days once I organize myself.

I am 100% digging her message, delivery and physical adjustments. This woman is incredible. She shared some interesting insights on what matters and what doesn't, and the way the practice was taught to she and David Williams in the early early days, which is in many ways different from how it is being taught in Mysore today.

It shouldn't be so serious. It should be fun. It should feel good. The body is only a vehicle.

More to come!

2.5 hours

2010-01-15T05:31:00.003-06:00

Leaving my house in 2.5 hours for the airport. I'm not planning to blog while I'm away but I'll take good notes so I can share on my return. And there is internet there so who knows...maybe I'll check in :-)

Here's what I'm hoping will come of this:

- a full two weeks of vacation, sans blackberry
- asana practice for two weeks without interruption, no distractions
- opportunity to ask some of the questions I have about the practice of a long-time practitioner
- meeting cybershalamate V!
- a tan

That's all, nothing crazy, just the opportunity for immersion in yoga and meeting like-minded yogis. I'll fill you in when I get back. Wish me luck with the body-scanners at the airport, blech!!

Dropback clip

2010-01-14T07:58:00.006-06:00

OK - I did intermediate this morning and try as I might, during finishing I couldn't muster a solo dropback in the shala, even after multiple tries, using the wall as a prop, on my comfy thick manduka, and relying on physical then verbal cues from J. Couldn't do it alone.

So I came home, rolled out my crappy travel mat and had a go. Boom, first try! Well, the good news is at least I can still do it, thumpus bumpus landing and all. :-)

Dropback sans Liberator

2010-01-13T06:07:00.004-06:00

Last night I was playing around and managed my first dropback without the liberator. In my shala few people do dropbacks at all because the custom is to do them only after you complete a full intermediate practice (yes, I know this is not the norm). Usually when I've done a full intermediate practice I'm wiped and tired and go straight to UD. My full intermediate practices have also been sporadic and inconsistent energy-wise, which may be why J hasn't pushed me to drop back.

I dropped to the liberator and then kept coming more and more forward for each one until I was off the liberator entirely. I hit the ground, quite thumpily (have to figure out how to deal with that impact and take it out of my shoulders) and rocked three times to come back up. Immediately banished the liberator and vowed never to use it for backbends again. Dropped back and came to standing several times sans-liberator to ingrain the memory of the movement. I'm dropping back! Euphoria!!

I will try to take a clip at some point to show the drop-thump. Been perusing others' videos and no one seems to have this crash-bang, so it might be a learning stage or something important technique-wise that I need to change.

Led

2010-01-10T05:33:00.006-06:00

Sardines again! 16 people showed up today, I was one of the lucky 5 who made their way to "studio 2", J's living room. We didn't get nearly the heat of "studio 1", but I enjoyed it a bit cooler. The energy was different, and yes I felt a bit tighter in a cooler room but not much. I didn't feel drained by the heat and sweat, it was really really nice actually. We did primary and stopped at Ustrasana.

We had our Goa Q&A after class and I got some useful info about cash and currency. I think I know what I'll do now, combo of USD and Rupees, and bring my plastic. Five more sleeps. :-)

Led Primary

2010-01-03T16:36:00.006-06:00

Led Primary to Ustrasana today. We were packed in like sardines! In a nice way, I guess. J had to send three people into the house to practice - a record of 15 people showed up (the absolute max for the space is 12). I was a little anxious during the Suryas but got over it once we hit standing. Honestly, it takes a bit of effort to forget that I'm surrounded on all sides by people...my mat is climbing the wall in back, someone's feet are directly in my face and there are mats directly on either side of me. Just like India, right? OK. Not my favorite way to practice, but it got bearable after the Surya's. And of course with that many people the heat and energy are high. And it was humid. :-)

Yesterday's weather bomb was a bit dramatic - super high winds, storm surge...we walked to moksha and it was shutting its doors because of the weather, so no hot yoga for us. I'll have to take him another time, maybe next weekend. When I started getting ready, I walked into the bedroom and there was a bunch of his gymwear on the bed - laid in piles. He needed help picking an outfit, OMG cute! I love that guy.

Despite my Kitchenaid kicking the can, I've already made two batches of bread with this new book, "Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day" and it is absurdly easy and delicious - Thanks Karen!

Back to work tomorrow, groan. Sigh. More bread, nom nom nom.

Updated with pics for Claudia :-)

3 loaves later

2009-12-30T05:43:00.004-06:00

My kitchenaid died! LOL, my overexuberant usage was too much for it...it threw sparks, the motor quit and we had to take it back. Right in the middle of making pizza dough, damn!

The replacement is on order but won't arrive for a couple weeks. Very unusual for a Kitchenaid I'm told, they are very well made...anyhow, I'm excited for the new one to arrive so I can test out recipes in the new book I got yesterday, Artisan Bread in 5 Minutes a Day per Karen's suggestion...haven't delved into reading it yet (Maehle owns my nightstand for the moment) but it sounds like it's going to save me time, which I love!

Speaking of Maehle, I'm enjoying the book a lot. I find it difficult to isolate parts of my body in the way he instructs but I think it is learnable so I'm trying hard...the first thing I'm tackling is femur rotation. That is visual-spatial/obvious/tangible enough that I can handle it and make changes. My reward was a full day of totally cooked hammies...I spent one practice just gently rotating my thighs inward in all my forward folds and it was enough of a change from a routine movement that my body has grown used to that I felt it, super-felt it, every.step.i.took, in my hamstrings the next day. And not an owie, hurty feeling, but a "Hi we're your legs, did you forget about us? We're still here." kind of way.

Another small change: I've been wondering how my back-rounding upbringing has been affecting my practice. Part of the femur rotation is to bring the fold a bit deeper, and to help me take some of the roundness out of my back. I want to train my spinal extensors and core to be alive in this movement so that they can withstand the pressure of LBH. I'm pretty sure this goes against what I've been taught which is a little confusing to me. Because of the back-rounding, I don't have that floppy forward fold where the belly touches the thighs. None of us do in the studio. I'd like to experience that range of motion and see what it does for Supta K, LBH and all folds really. I'm going to pay a lot of attention to what Nancy Gilgoff has to say about this - she teaches hips back, and back rounded so I can't wait to hear her take.

Another comment on Maehle - "excess adipose tissue", lol. A few others have mentioned this and I think it is pretty funny...he says it several times! I don't have the resolve to diet in the name of asana. Period! I'll live with my adipose tissue, I don't think there's too much of it anyways.

Sacrum nutation. How?? I arch back, ask myself if I'm nutated, and I have no idea. Is it something you can tell from the outside...can I tactile-ly press my hand on my sacrum and know it is nutated? Lost!

Birthday Girl

2009-12-26T05:33:00.008-06:00

29 today. This is my gift, isn't it awesome?? I opened it yesterday, then made some chocolate pecan cookies and the best batch of bread I've ever produced...I was actually a teensy bit jealous that this machine can clearly knead way way better than my hands. I've been staring into the bowl watching the beater do its work. So cool!

Now it's coffee time....thinking about what to practice this morning Primary? Primary + 1/2 Int? Intermediate only? The most exciting thing about Christmas for me is the three days off in a row. Yesterday I had a home practice...I could really feel the effects of non-regularity on my practice during and especially now. There's a reason I'm supposed to do this daily - it hurts when it's sporadic!

I've never done the 6 days per week thing anyways. For me, 4-5 (gasp!) is what works best with my schedule and the mysore schedule at the studio. And Saturday rules be damned - Saturday is the easiest day to fit in a practice, I'm not resting.

I taped a bit of yesterday's practice, wish I knew how to edit it. My entry into krounchasana on the first side made me laugh when I watched this, I think I forgot what I was doing mid-entry so it looks kinda funny. I stopped taping before Ustrasana...had a feeling my backbends were not going to look or feel so hot, and I was right.

Does the timing seem off, like it has been sped up? I'm hopeless with file conversion...been trying different freewares but something tells me this isn't quite right. Meh - whatev!

This is the first time I taped any of these asana, and there were a few things I noticed, but I won't hash them out now, I'll just practice again today and see if I can correct them.

Next year? I will do more Intermediate. No goals, just do my practice - finally getting it. I love this time of year, the wrapping up and starting fresh.

Goa in 3 weeks, which I am looking forward to as a vacation and relaxation and an immersion in something that makes me feel good. Not as an opportunity to learn asana, which is I think what I had in mind when I booked the trip. That has changed.

LBH and jumpbacks and all the things I struggle with will happen here, in my living room or in the studio, when my hips open naturally, or when my bandhas show up to the party, which will take years...not halfway around the world in 3 weeks' time. I'm cool with that, and really excited to spend two weeks living yoga!

Now I will eat my 2nd chocolate pecan cookie, in the morning, before my practice and even though I'm not actually hungry - god I love birthdays!

Title

2009-12-22T19:10:00.005-06:00

Work has been Buck Wild.

So I haven't been posting much, and haven't (sadly) been practicing much in the past week. I have nothing to report about asana!

However, despite my job-eating-my-life, a couple of things happened in the past week that have made India seem so much closer. :-)

My visa arrived today, and I got about half of my shots yesterday...Typhoid, HepA/B and Polio. Have to confirm with my doc which other ones I might need, if I've had the boosters or not already. Why don't I remember this stuff?

I don't like needles, at all, in fact they make me pass out - so the burly nurse grabbed my legs and held them above my heart (I was sitting in this weird rocking recliner thingy) and it helped, and was mildly amusing to my hubby, who joined me for the appointment in case he had to wheel me out after.

Anyway, hard to believe it is only 3+ more weeks...there is a lot more to do and plan. Hopefully my job will take a break from eating my life long enough to buy some bug spray and do some flipping yoga.

Dwi Pada, Maehle book

2009-12-15T06:09:00.004-06:00

Gregor Maehle book arrived! I raced home from work, raced to evening Mysore, raced into shower and then off to dinner with a friend who was in town...all the while thinking about it sitting on the kitchen counter.

When I finally ripped it open, I immediately flipped to the LBH section, hahaha. No patience, whatsoever! I was thrilled to read his thoughts on warming up. I often cheat in the studio and do the "cradle the shin" for a couple breaths before I try stuffing it back there.

Tonight was the first time I managed a (majorly) assisted 5-breath lifted Dwi-Pada. J stands behind me, supporting me from toppling, pulling my feet back (and I think up, a bit) while I ground the hands and push into my mat. Normally I get this horrible clavicle crunchiness when I try it so we skip the liftup part or do it half-assed.

It appears that my shoulders are now through and open enough not to compress my clavicle...interestingly, I used to get this same yucky crunch feeling in Supta K and eventually it went away so I guess the same thing happened there.

I have dinner out with friends again tonight so I think afterwards (if I can stay away from too much vino) I will do the Maehle exercises/warmups. I realized reading it that I haven't been aware of my pelvis at all in the warmups I've been doing. It is likely twisted and misaligned all over the place. Good to know so I can be more careful.

Also, last night the zing was back in alarming full force. :-( I've been having such a good run! I made a wrong move and it made me yelp out loud at the dinner table in a restaurant...twice...embarrassing! I'll do some stretching tonight and tennis ball stuff to release whatever is pulling me out of whack. It is usually my right butt. Epsom salt bath too maybe.

Led Primary

2009-12-13T09:54:00.003-06:00

Today was marvelous. There hasn't been much to rave about in my practice lately...been missing that zoned out feeling I love. Today it was back in full force!

Is it bad that I'm "zoned out" and that's what I want? Is "zoned out" and "autopilot" different from "being present"? I worry that it is, and that I have no idea what "being present" is. Maybe I'll learn? Right now I crave "zoning out"....maybe that's a step I have to get through though toward being present. I hope so. It's all a process.

In the asana-centric sense (which is easier to describe :-)) today was all head to floor, head to knee, bind the wrist, mind in the zone. Wowza! Yoga Magic!!

The "open book" business has changed baddha konasana...I'm sooooooo glad J adjusted me that way a while back, I am seeing BK in a whole new light and I look forward to it. It causes far more sensation for me now.

Too bad it was Led, would have loved to bring some of the "zone" to intermediate.

Driving home from practice I was thinking about the shuffleback (or any asana) as vritti. Today there was an amazing jumpbacker parked in front of me so I was treated to a view of her many floating transitions - OK, I guess I wasn't THAT zoned out :-).

Anyhow, I remember the shuffleback and lots of other things feeling dumpy/slow/awkward and eventually becoming natural. Taking a new/uncomfortable/awkward movement and committing to replacing an old and familiar movement with it until the new and correct one becomes comfortable...that is how we're supposed to treat our ideas and thought patterns too, right?

Maybe this is already obvious to most yogis, hahaha - I kind of just "got it" today!

Training the body to convince us it is possible to train the mind. Hmmm, I like it.

Hip switch

2009-12-10T19:31:00.004-06:00

Yoganidrasana is doable but Dwi Pada is not? Here are some of the reasons I think this is the case...

- Gravity is on my side in Yoganidrasana with the heavy legs
- Don't need to balance on my butt
- I can get away with more curve in the back (not so much in Dwi Pada)

There was nothing spectacular about practice today, it was good and steady...the only thing I noticed was the yoganidrasana thing, and it made me curious about why I can't apply whatever I'm doing there to dwi pada.

Also one of my hips was switched at birth and doesn't belong to my body. Haha! Why is one so much tighter than the other? And which one is my real one? The loose one I hope?

Today I left the office run an errand. I arrived at 1:55 and the note on the place said, back at 2:20. I cursed aloud, then sat down on a bench for 25 minutes. It was excruciating. Sitting and doing nothing. Hadn't brought my blackberry so I couldn't even work or answer emails. Didn't have my notebook with me to do a grocery list. My impatience continued to grow. This made me realize that a meditation practice could probably do me some good. Is 25 minutes that big of a deal? It shouldn't be.

I am probably the person you see on the street speed-walking to work, charging from desk to water-cooler to refill, avoiding smalltalk so that I can get on with the list of tasks and projects I've planned. Passing by the kitchen if the microwave is in use (that microwave dinner they are heating up means 4 more minutes I could be working before I eat my lunch!). Such a nerd! I used to make fun of people like me. People who race everywhere.

Maybe I need to slow it down a little. Or at least try. This I learned from taking my boots to a kiosk in the mall to be retreaded.

Led Primary

2009-12-08T19:49:00.002-06:00

No repeat of the bhuja a-ha today but that's fine. It might be because it was Led. I probably need some more mysore time to fuss with it...energy was good though, musta banked some from yesterday! Got a foot cramp this time (same leg as yesterday's calf cramp) but it wasn't until padmasana so I could tough it out OK.

The shuffleback is still the same as always, although it seems a bit more natural and easy now that it is normal. Shuffle shuffle shuffle...then one day maybe pickup/jump? :-)

Today there was someone wearing perfume in the studio. It was really a distraction...I don't understand that at all. Even an otherwise nice smell (in whiff-size doses) seems noxious when you are breathing deeply through the nose! I would think it would be difficult for someone wearing it too, although maybe they are used to it.

Got a great Baddha Konasana adjustment...J opened my feet "like a book" so that only my baby toe side of the foot was touching and BOY was it different. I think this is how I was supposed to be doing it all along, and will going forward, but I didn't actually realize my body was capable of it until she showed me just how exaggerated the "open book" can be.

Heat's on tonight...ah bliss!

Pashasana, Winter, Cold

2009-12-08T05:48:00.004-06:00

Last night was one of those "everything feels great" nights! I bound my wrist in pashasana for the first time...rolled up my mat under my feet which seemed to make a big difference. My feet don't touch the ground on their own so stability helped me get deeper into the twist since I was less worried about balancing.

BHUJAPIDASANA - I got my head down AND BACK UP! Something was different...my knees weren't super high on my shoulders, they were lower toward my elbows...which made it easier to manipulate the distribution of weight and let me come back up. There's no shortcut in this one, I need more bandha, but it was an a-ha moment for me. I can't wait to play with it some more.

Then I got a mean calf cramp heading into Laghu...I didn't drink enough water yesterday. Ugh, I was so full of energy, but even stretching didn't loosen the thing so I decided to be gentle and close. I had fully planned to do all of intermediate after primary, that's how guns-a-blazing I was feeling!

Later at home it turned into a foot cramp. Today, H20 and bananas...I'm excited for practice tonight, I'd like to think I "banked" the energy I was feeling last night for later use, LOL.

Winter and cold. My husband and I play this silly game where we wait until we can't stand it anymore before we turn on the heat each year. It is a competition as to who can take the cold longer, we employ fleece sweaters, blankets, magic bags, whatever helps...the person who turns on the heat loses and this year he lost and I WON! Last night he turned on the heat. I had figured we could make it straight through to Christmas but I am very happy to be in a warm house again.

What does it all mean?

2009-12-03T19:23:00.006-06:00

Lots of inspiring stuff in blogland these days - food for thought! It is making me think about what I'm doing with my practice and how I got here.

It's so interesting how each yogi's experience differs based on teacher/shala/geography.

I had done yoga on and off for about 3 years, mostly power-type yoga. I had a great first teacher who then left town. So I went to whatever random classes I could find, even some Bikram, yup.

Then I wandered into an Ashtanga studio and was promptly humbled by the most physically difficult 70 minutes of my life. Full Primary. There was no stopping in Led either, no time to say uncle, no mysore attention to put you out of your misery and halt you...you do the whole thing. Well, assuming you could keep up. There were binds and twists and lotuses and all kinds of things I'd never seen! The friendly shapes and sizes on all sides of me were wrapping and binding and kurmasana-ing with ease.....I was thrilled and excited and couldn't wait to get started. The teacher, J, was tough/kind/stern/dry and pretty much exactly what I needed.

I spent about 9 months fumbling my way through primary. I did not (!) master it before moving on to intermediate. My teacher believes that the milder backbends are beneficial and worth practicing to balance the folds of primary so she lets many of her students do up to Ustrasana after they learn Primary.

Based on the experiences of others that I read about, in a stricter shala, I am pretty sure I wouldn't be doing intermediate at all. I would still be working on my strength, transitions and my nemesis...bhujapidasana! I don't actually hate it, I truly love it...each time I practice I run into Mr. Bhujapidasana and it's like, "are we really going to do this again? all right I guess we are."

I was quickly given the rest of intermediate, in maybe two or three more chunks over a couple months. Despite not being able to...jump back, or do a good clean bhuja, or a hands-free setu bandhasana, or a full-on wristgrab in supta k. Or the plenty of other cleanup things I could work on. Chakrasana even (which I avoid because of prior neck complications, and probably more than a little fear).

I now know that's not the traditional method really, but until I started reading blogs...I had no idea that that was different from anyone else's experience - LOL!

I trust my teacher and I love my practice. I aim to have enough physical challenge to distract my mind and keep it from wandering - I'm not nearly advanced enough to turn it off at will, I rely heavily on the physical challenge.

At the moment I can't imagine wanting more poses, as intermediate is more than enough for me to chew on!

Like anyone, I love the idea of someday fitting my leg comfortably behind my head. Despite the impatience or frustration I might sometimes feel, then talk myself out of...I am beyond happy with my 70-90 minutes of escaping the world. :-)

Good morning

2009-12-02T06:12:00.003-06:00

It was open studio this morning. I felt like a shorter practice so I did primary to navasana...added bhuja and supta k (I could do this because there was only one other person there, who wouldn't have noticed!) and then closed.

Yesterday I wrapped up my team's performance reviews - so relieved!! It amazes me how open my team members are to constructive discussion as long as you can tailor that discussion to their interests and goals (assuming you know them, hopefully). It's a really interesting and rewarding process to work out a goal with someone, develop a plan for it, give them tasks to test them and opportunities to demonstrate that they've met it.

I'm super task-oriented by nature so the focus on people is challenging for me. I've been through a couple of cycles of it now and I'm just starting to get comfortable now.

Well yoga is done for the day so my evening is free! Guess I'll cook dinner and watch Glee :-)

Thumbs of Justice – Half Intermediate – Shoulder is GOOD!

2009-11-29T15:53:00.007-06:00

In joyous holiday news, based on today’s practice, my shoulder is now FINE :-).

Saturday was a rest day. I got a massage from a dude who nearly made me scream/faint with his brutal thumbs. Sounds unpleasant but it was exactly what I needed. For the first time in maybe my entire life my traps are relaxed. Like completely relaxed. And boy did I earn it.

At the end we did the Flying Elbow Drop.

I lie on my side, bring the top knee to hip level and he takes the pointiness of his elbow and applies firm direct pressure into my glute/hip muscles. You know when you feel the muscles slide over themselves? Globie called this the “gloop-gloop” the other day, which is totally correct! After the initial near-fainting discomfort, I felt such a deep release it was like my leg actually detached from my hip. When I walked home my hips were all loosey-goosey and it felt amazing. Then today I had the snuggest/foldedest ardha baddha padmottanasana ever.

The shoulder pain has brought another level of awareness into my twists, and I think the new focus has actually improved them…oddly enough? I tell my brain to start the twist at the pubic bone (Bandha! Sthira!). This twist-from-the-pubic-bone thing came out of Darby’s workshop - forgot to mention it in my coverage. Now, twisting from the pubic bone may not actually be possible (I have no idea) but for me, at least bringing more of the twist LOWER takes a lot of pressure off of my shoulder socket and forces me not to overuse shoulder mobility in my binds. Of course, that’s what we’re supposed to do…but bad habits form. And this is one I am getting the hell out of. Even if it slows me down, I’m twisting properly, from now on.

I also get a zingy nerve pain in the right side of my back when I fold, been happening forever; I sometimes forget it’s weird. I am now determined to fill my entire chest with breath, expanding every goddamn rib and every vertebra, relieving whatever compression it is that is zinging through my little spine. Hard to tell if it is actually working yet but at least it's making me feel in control…in the past, I would feel the zing and back off, but I’m starting to realize that the zing has been happening for 5 years and kinda needs to be addressed. It is something that my practice should be helping – yoga chikitsa.

Shock of the day; I did my regular Kapo, that’s how good my shoulder was. I thought I would be weeks away from that. Did it up, was great!

I didn’t expect to talk so much about injuries and pain today, sorry y'all…I’m actually SOOOOO happy and relieved about my shoulder that I got excited to use my practice to address my ongoing back zinginess. I feel really positive about it....:)

Primary Friday - TGIF

2009-11-27T07:51:00.004-06:00

Primary again today...I feel great. Still not rocking my normal setu bandhasana. I have never been able to do the full expression anyway, I usually support it with hands over head UD-style, so it doesn't bother me much to step back to hands under hips for a bit.

Today was the half-or-full class, so we could stop at Navasana or do the rest. Stoppers have the option to stay and watch if they are interested to see the rest. Everyone stayed! I expected a few people to close and roll up but everyone stayed to watch and we all closed together. It was nice. My practice doesn't feel very spectator-worthy at the moment but I was happy to do the motions if it helps someone else. I remember a year ago sneaking peaks at people lowering in Bhuja or binding in Supta K while fumbling through myself and I definitely could have used a guiltless show - even watching someone else struggling but breathing and doing it anyway would have helped me I think.

Primary is lovely. I love it and always will. But when do I get my 2nd practice back?

When the neckshoulder is twangy-twangy, what does this mean for 2nd? First, dropping my head back in Laghu and Kapo just ain't happening. So goodbye for now to my favoritest and need-to-work-on-est backbends. And what does it mean for LBH? I can modify and do the heel and knee in elbow crook. But I wantttttttt to keep working on the real deal. But I shouldn't. So I won't. A heavy leg attached to a newly tighter hip does not belong behind my twangy-twangy neckshoulder. Le sigh.

I will do 2nd on Sunday at group practice and modify best I can. I hope we can veer off instead of doing full primary first. Or maybe I will do primary plus back half of 2nd.

I'm drinking a large Tim Horton's coffee, feeling very rambly.

Also, this made me laugh. J was telling people that there is a moonday on Tuesday - she has morning mysore and evening Led on tuesdays...and she is the only teacher so it is a "big day" with two popular classes. So we were talking about it being a "bad day for a moon day" and then it was a "bad moon" and then it was a "bad moon risin"...hahaha!

Terrific!

2009-11-26T18:07:00.002-06:00

Today I did Primary, skipping nothing, and only deviating from my usual practice at setu bandhasana. I modified it - too risky quite yet but it will be back soon.

There was minimal discomfort so I'm really hopeful that in another week I will be back to normal-ish!

I was sooooooo happy to do sirsasana today for the first time in two weeks! I love that pose, why do I love it so much? I learned to stand on my head when I was a kid. My grandpa helped me learn and it took me a whole summer. He would drag one of those long cushions off of an outdoor lawnchair into the middle of the yard for me to practice on...and he would hold my feet for me, so I think I love it because it reminds me of him.

I was tempted to go into 2nd after but I didn't want to push my luck with the backbending. I did my first UD since I hurt my shoulder/neck and it went fine. I was really careful not to extend the neck, basically just letting it hang. I don't think I am ready to relax the head back in Laghu or Kapo.

Work is utterly insane. My days are booked up with meetings and calls all frickin day...I am madly scribbling in a notebook at all times trying to keep track of everything spinning around me. I am really looking forward to this yearend process winding up and getting back to normal.

Happy Thanksgiving y'all. I'm in Canada but my office follows US holidays...so I had today off, and I am very very thankful :-)

Easing back

2009-11-22T14:44:00.004-06:00

The shoulder/neck has improved. Primary and 1/2 intermediate today. It was fine!

"Cautious" practices aren't necessarily exciting. But cautious seems like the smartest approach so that's what I'm going with. I modify anything that irritates it, and it has quickly shown me what I've grown attached to "doing well" in my practice...and also that on some level I worry about looking lazy. Which is silly. There are no lazy people doing ashtanga!

Keeping my jumping to chaturanga as light as I can in Surya's. I can't float, of course, but trying to distribute the impact as evenly as possible not to jar my shoulder. In the standing poses, there has been a lot of toe dristi instead of looking up. I can manage all the marichyasanas but haven't been going for wrist in any of them. I made it my mission to create space and not "overuse" my shoulder mobility to get me there.

I booked a massage and was so lucky to have an extremely skilled RMT. She had worked in physio and she did things I've never experienced before in a massage, including coaching me to breathe certain ways at certain pressure points. It was great!

There was absolutely no going back in Kapotasana today. I turned it into another Ustrasana, haha!

No Sarvangasana, no Sirsasana, and only the teensiest utplutihi. They'll be back before long I hope!

Workshop Last Day

2009-11-15T15:31:00.000-06:00

Something I said I’d come back to from day 1. Orientation of pubic bone and tailbone in downdog…sitbones are lifting, pubic bone is going up! And tailbone is tucking…after I got home I got out my anatomy book and MB connects the pubic bone and tailbone front to back. So a contraction of MB would pull them closer, drawing tailbone into tucking and pubic bone upwards to the sky (in downdog). Got it! This anatomical discussion of MB was really helpful for me. I think there could be more of that – words like “pelvic floor” and “root lock” don’t make the connection for me. What can I say?

Injuries – Darby shared some of his personal injuries with us. A long time ago, in each vinyasa, he used to go into handstand, tic over into UD then toc back back through to seated before the next pose. Unreal…it hurt him badly. The repetition really strained his back. He does not advise it! He also can scratch the top of his head with his toe in the Janu Sirsasanas (even showed us, and WOW). But he said he stretched the ligaments in his lower back doing this so he stopped. Also doesn’t advise it!

Backbending – the first part of intermediate (up to ustrasana) is fairly accessible and should be available to all as soon as their primary is under control. He doesn’t insist on dropbacks and standing from UD before intermediate. J doesn’t either (b/c nancy doesn’t). I haven’t had much of an opinion on it, really, other than being a bit disappointed not to work on dropbacks as soon as I’d hoped. But after hearing his rationale, I have to go out on a limb and say I agree. The milder intermediate backbends strengthen the back. Back strength is needed to drop back with control and stand from UD. That makes sense to me.

Morning – Led Primary, it was great. We were in a nice large room, which was surprisingly warm and cozy. I wrenched my shoulder, I have no idea how but it was burning by the end. I tried to take it easy. Ego won a couple of times (of course), particularly at headstand. I WANTED TO DO IT SO BADLY. So I did, and it was dumb. Why is it so hard not to be stupid? And why did I have to do utplutihi? Course I did it. Cause I didn’t want to be the lazy ass in the front row filing her nails during utplutihi. Anyway, at midday break I raced home, had a bath with Epsom salts and iced it. Going to have to do so tonight too.

Afternoon – Backbending. We did modified sun salutations with lunges, which we held for 5 breaths each side…some with a slight back bend, some with back knee on ground. Coming back to samistithi between sides. We were quickly warmed up again! I took it very, very easy on my shoulder. Ego was firmly in check.

We did Intermediate up to Ustrasana. I would have loved to do more. A lot of people had a lot of questions which is wonderful that they got answered and that we covered their injuries but I was disappointed that this forced us to stop at Ustrasana. So I’ll have to go to Montreal someday and get the full meal deal…

Interesting points, even though we didn’t get to do them, he prefers for students to master Laghu Vajrasana before taking on Kapotasana. Not surprising, I think this is usually the way in Ashtanga but my teacher doesn’t enforce this (I’m lucky because Laghu Vajrasana took me a long while and I still find it very hard).

Workshop is over!! Wonderful people, I do think I’ll visit Montreal someday.

Workshop Day 2

2009-11-14T15:37:00.004-06:00

We did more yoga today! Here are the main things that made an impression on me...

Mat friction - I know my mat has some grip to it, but I don't think I realized how much until today. He asked us to set aside our mats and just use our towels on the hardwood floor...putting a fold in the middle of our towel, between hands and feet. The point was to leave a certain amount of slack in the towel. It was pretty darn tough! We did the Suryas and Standing this way and I was sweating immediately trying to keep my bunched up mat from sliding into tautness and holding me there. I realized quickly that these are muscles I seldom use. Mat friction gets us away from core and bandha...and makes things easier than they could be. I am consoled a bit by my soft/smooth eQua towel which doesn't help me too much until my hands and feet start sweating.

Bhujapidasana - after his demo, I actually made it fully around my hands, touched down then hopped up to crossed feet once (got this tip from Skippetty)! Still can't jump in feet-free, but I was pretty thrilled...his demo was extremely helpful. The hips and legs don't need to go "high", the hips come "forward", legs then wrap around and "in". And you keep your head up and ignore the floor! I honestly think there's a shot of me getting this one day - never thought so before. One of J's senior-est students, who leads some of her beginner classes, jumped in today for the first time, pretty cool to witness! She was pretty casual about it (I envy her non-attachment) but I was nerdily thrilled on her behalf.

Chanting - we chanted while practicing! We had a mantra on the inhale and Om on the exhale. It was a really neat sound, but I found it extremely hard to vocalize on the inhale, ended up swallowing air and then got burpy. Real fun right around Mari C. Sorry if that's gross, it was even grosser to be me at the time. Breathing through the mouth is WEIRD. Remember how hard it was to do nasal breathing in the beginning? well it feels ten times weirder to mouth breathe now. He admitted after we finished that it is very difficult to manage the inhale-vocalization but it was a good exercise for us to try.

Eight Limbs - he talked about Ahimsa and vegetarianism and not using animal products. I felt guilty for eating meat.

He is extremely dynamic, and Joanne is the most darling lady (and funny!). His movement is really expressive, exceptional control over each limb and each small nuance of movement (not surprising, I suppose) almost like a dancer I guess. When he is making a point about something, his entire spine is involved in what he is talking about.

Every time I see someone who has practiced for that long, it reminds me that I need to do this until I die. That kind of vitality is extraordinary.

Mark and Joanne Darby Workshop

2009-11-13T17:57:00.001-06:00

Tonight was a 2 hour talk and we did a few Surya A’s and exercises. These two just seem like the coolest pair. So funny, she seems very warm and has this lovely French accent and teases him quite a bit. Informative and entertaining! OK, here is what we covered…in order of when it came up…I was not organized and did not bring a pen/paper so here is what made an impression! I’ll be better tomorrow.

Round/Straight back – the orientation of the pubic bone and the tailbone (and their relation to each other) are what is important, not the pelvis/hips. Pubic bone should be (I forget – will come back to it tomorrow), tailbone should be tucking, sit bones should be lifting. And they can move independently (pubic bone and tailbone). His preference for his students is a straighter back with tucked tailbone but he wasn’t disparaging about round back – he mentioned matter-of-factly Sharath and Nancy now do rounder backs.

Shoulders in Updog, Downdog, everywhere – both seemed very concerned about shoulder injuries (and other injuries) and how common they are. Stressed relaxing into the shoulders in updog, resting into the shoulders, without sinking…and going deeper in updog means going forward and through, not up. Use the bones, not the muscles. It was great for me, because I have these crazy tense traps and I overdo it in updog sometimes. J was beside me and I know she doesn’t love updog, she actually said – that felt great, I could be there all day.

Uddiyana Bandha – this was my favorite. He gave us this neat exercise in pairs where you are in a straddle squat with sacrum pressed against the wall and someone coaches you. You engage from the pubic bone to the navel, all the while rolling each individual vertebra up the wall – slowly. I volunteered for the demo (he did two, I went 2nd) and he actually pressed my abdomen quite firmly and guided me while watching my vertebra go up the wall and giving me the feedback (slow down, too many vertebra – etc), and oh-my-god my stomach wrapped itself in and engaged like I’ve never felt it. It was super, super cool. Hard to grasp at first because I was focusing on the vertebrae and the wall…but they were just tools. As soon as my body was in the right place Uddiyana happened! I didn’t want to stop!

A troop of Karate kids kicked us out of our space after promptly 2 hours – we were not in a studio, at a gym - and everyone was reluctant to wrap up. There are sessions tomorrow and Sunday, will report!

Snow!

2009-11-07T15:19:00.001-06:00

First snow of the year yesterday! Went to MEC today and got snowboots...

Yoga with A today. We strapped up our knees and did several long-hold quad openers to start – all virasana variations – followed by progressively deeper chest/thoracic openers, leaning back over the block with less and less head support. A took my sissy foam blocks away and gave me wooden ones and I was surprised that they were actually more comfortable. I even used them later for my propped versions of samakonasana (sp) and hanumanasana.

The first time I went to A’s class, when we did the splits in the middle of the prasaritas it was disarming. I felt resistant, impatient, slow and even annoyed. Getting into the hips. Those tight old hips. But I’m not good at this. I hate this. Why are we doing this, lol.

Today, I actually enjoyed them! Did my hips magically melt and allow my butt to sink to the ground in a gymnast-type split? No, absolutely not. I blocked those mothers like no tomorrow. But I lifted arms overhead and let myself sink as much as I could manage and it was a great stretch. I’m completely over my pissy, petulant phase with the dreaded splits. I like ‘em now, propped butt, bent knees and all.

A thinks I should be going for heels in kapo…she showed me that I could see my heels just by turning my head (turning my head never occurred to me in a million years but tada, there they are). I’ve been pretty satisfied with toes and the odd ball of my foot but if she thinks I can do it it’s worth a try. Then she let me stand from UD alone today!

I touched head in laghu vajrasana and came back up on my own – nearly hooted I was so excited. First time ever. I think the recent standing from UD must have unlocked some mind-quad connection I had been missing before. I used to be able to get sooooooo close but, if my head touched earth, the bandha disappeared and it was all over.

I had a bit of a “shoulder” breakthrough today…I realized when A was demo’ing shoulder stances that I squeeze my shoulderblades together far too much in ustrasana, which creates this whole mess of congestion in my traps and causes discomfort when I stretch my head and neck back. My sternocleidomastoid (big word alert) muscle on the right side doesn’t like full neck extension. If I slide my shoulder blades just a bit apart and down I can retain the openness in the chest and extend the neck far more comfortably – nice!

Shuffleback

2009-11-05T05:33:00.003-06:00

So…the shuffleback is like one baby step after the lean forward. I place my hands as though I were going to do a real jumpback, haul my butt back as far as it can go and wherever my feet land, I launch from there back to chaturanga. I do it in both Mysore and Led now. It builds a bit of strength (compared to the lean forward) and doesn’t slow me down too much. The lean forward is way faster though.

The steps I read, advice I have been given, and what I’ve learned from watching others in my studio (only one person in the studio can actually do it!) is that I need to bend the arms to draw my shoulders down and my hips up, counterbalance-wise.

My brain refuses to give this instruction to my arms!! Does. Not. Compute. Is it fear? It has to be fear. When I don’t understand why something doesn’t work, it is fear. Not a conscious fear, but that innate, human, don’t-want-to-break-my-face fear that takes over your limbs. My mind has some serious work to do to convince my body.

I have a weak bhujapidasana, and I am pretty sure the two are related. If I could confidently, slowly move myself into bhuji (sans head-thump) maybe I would trust my arms and allow them to bend. Been working on this.

The shuffleback also feels nicer than it looks, ahahaha, but you can’t win them all. It evens out with my less-than-atrocious wormthump this weekend :-)

Group Practice

2009-11-03T18:17:00.003-06:00

New development - I am loving Sunday group practice. Nearly gave up on it last week. We've abandoned the idea of breathing together and keeping up with eachother and I like it much better. This Sunday we were a full house, mat to mat, elbow to elbow and literally feet to face....it got soooo warm. I think I had my favorite Supta K of all time. Everything felt pretty good actually. Didn't even mind the crowd. Lady beside me got kicked in the head by the person in front of her, ouch! :( She was OK though.

It was an easy practice and it flowed well...it was like mysore because it was on my own breath and counts, but there were no adjustments. And I love adjustments, but what a flow you get into when you aren't stopping or waiting?! It was great. Sometimes it is nice to struggle a bit and find your own way in asana - I think it is valuable. Sunday group is on its way to becoming my fave practice of the week.

The only thing that would make it better would be if we didn't necessarily have to do full primary...like veer off mid-standing or even after navasana and do 2nd. I still lack the stamina to do a pleasant full primary and 2nd. I mean I can do it, but its pretty punishing. I don't like going into those headstands tired, mainly. I'm a sissy like that. We stopped at Kapo and I felt great going into savasana.

Work has been Buck Wild so far this week. I have to complete my performance evaluations by the end of the month and while I adore my team and I love the process, I usually feel pretty depleted afterwards, personally.

Anyways, back to yoga :-) I have to get them off my camera and convert the files and so forth but I have a shuffleback video to post this week at some stage!

Backbends

2009-11-01T06:07:00.013-06:00

A few weeks ago I stood from UD to my own surprise. Then it left me for a while…I was accepting of it and didn’t dwell. This weekend it came back. So, I tried it a few times to be sure and I think it is truly here to stay.

Feet are still yucky but you’ve gotta start somewhere (nice little dance at the top…then my husband comes charging through…these are the distractions I live with while trying to work on my backbends…le sigh). I managed to do it without the dance later but didn’t catch it on film.

I also did some dropping back to the liberator (affectionately renamed Liberace) and coming back up from same.

I then tried to come out a little further from the liberator, to have less of a prop on landing. I came out too far, realized this on the hangback and lost my nerve going back. I'm a little disappointed I didn't go for it as watching this it seems a lot closer than it felt. Maybe if I bring my Manduka home from the studio, it would protect my wrists better than my travel mat. Then I might have the confidence to do it sans Liberace.

The WormThump

2009-10-31T16:32:00.005-05:00

I never intended to film the wormthump because frankly I was a little afraid of what it would look like. I knew it didn't feel great.

Then I thought what the hell. Someday (when I can do it properly) I will look back and enjoy this and be grateful to myself for sticking with it.

So? It sure isn't great, but it isn't as horrific as I was expecting. The forward-hop is something I figured out a few weeks ago, the wormthump portion happens on the back end, which is I think the part most people have trouble with anyways. It looks exactly like a Nakrasana from someone who's still learning Nakrasana. And that's what I am :-)

I took a couple more videos and I may share them tomorrow, blogger takes too darn long to post!

David Swenson DVD

2009-10-30T09:38:00.001-05:00

‘Bout six weeks ago I ordered David Swenson and Richard Freeman DVDs. I had kind of forgotten about them, but last night I arrived home from a particularly grueling day at work and was delighted to see a package on the hall table. David Swenson’s DVD had arrived.

I have a terrible cold so I slathered myself with vaporub, hooked up the DVD player (which frankly I don’t even know how to do, embarrassingly, but I worked it out given the circumstances – maybe I was coached, a little). Crawled onto the couch under a duvet and cued it directly to Third Series. No effing around, it was a rough day and I wanted to be entertained.

Result: I don’t know if I could ever go to his workshop and meet this man. I would be utterly geeked.

He flies like a butterfly/ballerina? Defies my understanding of physics?

Even my husband was riveted for a good fifteen minutes before wandering off, interspersing it with sports-watching noises like ooooooooh and oh-HO-ho. OK I’m not good at replicating the sports noises but try to imagine the sounds you hear from a room full of guys watching soccer or hockey. Yeah, he was impressed.

“His feet…don’t even touch the ground!”

Tell me about it.

I nodded off before it finished (in a haze of night-time decongestant), but I’m looking forward to seeing 2nd sometime this weekend. Maybe I’ll actually do some yoga too :-)

Normal

2009-10-28T05:03:00.003-05:00

Much better. Led class at a regular (non-warp) speed. Happy happy.

I finally started doing the chakrasana exit in the 2nd half of primary. I had a neck injury earlier in the year that held me back from Setu Bandhasana and Chakrasana. I cut them out completely, added SB back a couple months ago but this was the first time trying Chakrasana and it was fine. Didn't bother my neck at all. Proceeding with cautious optimism! Chakrasana seems to be about the timing and I feel like I need a lot of space for it.

There was enough time for the shuffleback - which is feeling less awkward and more natural now, despite its lack of elegance. It's so funny that it felt awful and ungainly and ugly when I first started doing it last month but once you cycle it through enough practices it starts to feel normal, no matter what it looks like. Same as when you learn chaturanga or the toe-roll as a beginner. Your teacher tells you to put them in and keep them there...and it feels wrong and difficult and forceful. Then they just fade into the rest of it and become your practice.

J has been talking about lightness a lot and softening the exhale on the poses that challenge us. I'm guilty of some "angry breathing" in poses that challenge me...so I've been trying to soften the breath. Lightness is just hit or miss. Sometimes I feel it and sometimes I don't. I get it in headstand, sometimes on a jumpthrough or jump to uttanasana. Sometimes in Virabhadrasana II, oddly.

I miss Intermediate, esp. the first half. Haven't done it since Thursday, I want to bend my back. Mysore tomorrow...UD feels sooooooo much nicer after intermediate.

Coffee is my favorite thing.

Off

2009-10-26T18:21:00.004-05:00

Every day is so different! Sunday's practice felt just...off. I was feeling a cold coming, and I debated skipping but I decided to go and hammer through thinking (hoping) that a practice might just annihilate the thing.

It was the fastest practice I've ever done. The Sunday class is no spoken instruction, no counts, just breathing and moving in unison (or trying). Which generally means we default to the fastest breath count, which was soooooo fast yesterday. Then we tacked on the back half of intermediate. After Mayurasana (which was nothing to write about, believe me) I decided to do a long slow close and take a long savasana, waiting for the others to finish. I've never tapped out early like that, I think it was a combo of the cold and the speed. I was just spent.

I just don't think that kind of practice is for me. I focus too much on others (the breath and movement of others, not the asana) and am unable to find my own breath and get into a rhythm. I land in an asana, and by the third breath I am thinking about exiting it and keeping up with the pack in the next vinyasa (which also eliminates the opportunity for the shuffleback, which was coming along so well, even in Led).

I will give it a couple more tries but I don't know. I think it is just too fast for me.

Hoping Led tomorrow will be better...the beauty of the practice is we get a new day and another try!

Yoga Day

2009-10-25T05:51:00.003-05:00

Yesterday was a yoga day. Class at 9 with A, then an afternoon workshop with J.

In A's class we did primary then 2nd up to LV and some dropping back to UD and coming to standing (assisted). Her new Saturday space is large and open, with mirrors but it is quite cold...took a while to get things warmed up. I used to love mirrors before I started practicing ashtanga...I found it helpful. Now I find them really distracting. Saw myself a couple times and the breath just evaporated. Not so good.

She assisted my standing to UD and the last time I am pretty sure I did it alone, I didn't feel her touch me...we talked about the process, she said lead with your pubic bone/hip, send all your energy there, then you can think about the chest and only last can you think about the head. My first time, by dumb luck, I managed to come up as a unit...trunk down, trunk up...all momentum, zero control. It made much more sense, splitting the body into modules, and felt much better and more stable. UD to standing will be back.

It is funny, with the backbends, I just have this feeling that they will take care of themselves...that as I practice they will just happen and turn into what they need to be. I am not inclined to worry about them or work on them outside of practice.

LBH is the opposite...I lack faith that LBH will be the happy product of consistent practice. I still believe I need non-ashtanga intervention to make it happen. I'm probably wrong - the difference is the faith.

J's workshop was mostly talking, which I was a bit relieved about because the practice with A was dynamic and all that I needed for the day physically. There were only 4 of us there and we talked a lot about breath (very helpful) and asana-wise we worked on chaturanga and sirsasana. I don't have problems with these but the refresher was helpful. I'm happy that I have quite a strong chaturanga now but it took me a long time to build the strength. I see people in the room looking dismayed and not having faith and I just wanted to say, "I was you!! It will happen!! Keep trying!!" but I thought that might be inappropriate.

I decided to skip my Karanda question, for fear of terrifying any beginners in the room. I did ask for some help on Mayurasana and I'm glad I did because it turns out I've been exaggerating the hunch too much and I'm basically flopped over my arms in an arc. Of course I am having problems! I had a respectable attempt and felt the difference. Mayurasana will happen someday.

Second

2009-10-22T20:06:00.003-05:00

Today I was early to Mysore which is nice because I always seem to be the last to arrive. Got halfway through standing and decided to do some primary and see how I felt. By Navasana I had decided to do intermediate.

Had a nice Kapo, my hands actually landed on my tiptoes - normally they hit the mat and walk in a bit. LV was OK too, I was assisted and it went better than normal. I get a cramp in my right calf when I stay down the full five breaths...never fails. So strange, always on the same side. Stretch it out and move on. Probably a reason for that.

Mayurasana felt closer today than before (we're talking 10%). For some reason each time I approach it it feels different.

J told me today that she wants me to do more 2nd so that I can practice it in Goa and get help. My primary needs less help than my 2nd (makes sense) so I should get used to practicing it more now...she thinks i should do a couple of primary's at the beginning of the workshop then switch to 2nd and get more really good instruction on it. So I guess that means I am "split" as they say, to 2nd.

Shuffleback comes to Led

2009-10-20T20:00:00.003-05:00

I love primary. Love.It. Just do!!

I hadn't planned to do the shuffleback (my awkward pickup/slog-jam the feet back/hop to chaturanga) in Led for a while. But today there seemed to be an extra nanosecond between the end of asana and the beginning of vinyasa...which made the shuffleback fit. In my mind J was accommodating me with her counts...but maybe instead my mind was accommodating my practice. Either way, the shuffleback lasted until the end of Marichyasana C. And either way, I know J was happy that I tried, because she kindly fixed the front of my eQua in the middle of a downdog (it gets all messed up when I shuffleback, as my feet don't clear the mat). She has no patience for mat/towel/asana fussing, so it is pretty nice of her to mat/towel/asana fuss on my behalf.

Notables: lotus in sarvangasana without hands is now consistent. J is holding a workshop on Saturday and I am planning to ask about the sirsasana modification for Karanda. I like to do this in my home practice and I'm curious what she thinks, but I imagine it won't be acceptable in the studio (which is fine). I also have questions on Mayurasana.

The week continues to improve!

Beast of a Day

2009-10-19T08:49:00.003-05:00

There was an extremely unpleasant chain of events this weekend involving a 10-foot rental truck and a gas station fender bender. Low speed, no injuries, just a complete drag. But between police station, insurance and rental company…repeating the report to various parties has become a bit exhausting. I am looking forward to putting this business behind me. I took today off work so I could deal with the phone calls and police report quickly and without distraction.

On to happier news, the weekend was spent in my home town with the parents and it was wonderful. I knitted my mother a scarf and brought it to her and she was so happy with it, and also openly coveted the scarf I was wearing so I secretly left it in the hall closet and she discovered it this morning. I love knitting, and giving knitted items! It makes me so happy.

After the business of phone calls and police reports there is Mysore class tonight and I am looking forward to breathing this event right out of my mind.

Steady as she goes

2009-10-15T18:58:00.003-05:00

Well standing from UD didn’t happen today but that’s OK. I will keep trying! Now that it has happened, I know my body is capable, and my attempts today made me realize that the timing of it is quite important…probably more important (for me) than openness.

In all other ways my practice today was steady. So I thought there was nothing to write about really…and then I remembered six months ago when I couldn’t imagine describing anything about my practice of intermediate as “steady”! I was actually smiling when I finished. Primary to Navasana then full intermediate.

There were new faces at Mysore, and that doesn’t happen very often. It felt strange to practice facing someone I don’t normally see…this space is 200 sq feet so you get to know the regulars pretty quickly. There are big/weird/political changes happening in the yoga scene in my town…displaced teachers and displaced students. Studios changing direction…that kind of thing. Hence the new faces. Once I got over the initial surprise (and actually, some shyness, to be honest) it was great and I enjoyed new/different energies.

J gave me the Karanda/Vrschikasana adjustment today…which I have renamed the "side of beef" adjustment, or the SOB for short. Hehe. We haven’t done that one in a while. It really is like having your limbs tied up in padmasana and then kinda tossed around. I used to dread it so horribly…it was uncomfortable and I didn’t think it would teach me anything. But then I realized…..what better way to learn stability in Pincha than to have someone completely manipulating your limbs and balance in an inversion? Pleasant? Not really, not at first, but I think it did help my Pincha…generally, I am just so worried about hurting J (tiny powerhouse woman adjusting my tall frame) that I dig to keep myself supported and not collapse on her. It works!

Morning, Standing from UD

2009-10-14T05:36:00.004-05:00

This morning I did a short practice at home. It was a bit of primary and a bit of second...for the first time I stood from Urdhva Dhanurasana unassisted!! It was the most unexpected thing...I was just doing my closing and decided to try rocking hands and feet. All of a sudden, I was up.

It was superfast and the feet were all wrong I'm sure, plus there was a lot of shuffling and stepping at the top to be sure I truly was up and not about to hurtle back or forward but I did it.

I am interested to see if I'll be able to do it tomorrow. Sometimes these little asana breakthroughs happen and then they go away for weeks/months...they always return after a bit of time. Hopefully standing from UD is here to stay.

Intermediate, with video

2009-10-12T05:28:00.006-05:00

There were three of us practicing Sunday at the studio. We stayed in sync until the end of standing, no counts. Then I veered off into intermediate and they completed primary+intermediate to ustrasana. This was my first full intermediate in about two months. It was nervy, sweaty, with a thin layer of despair. Ha! I forgot how Intermediate teaches you humility…so you can bind Mari D unassisted? And your Supta K is comfortable? Let’s see you hop, wise ass.

Notables: I did the hands to calves version of Laghu Vajrasana again and I’ve decided I love it. It is easier with the proportions of my body and although I can’t lower my head all the way down I am getting darn close and at least this way I am strengthening my quads in the process. In the hands to ankles version I lower down and then dissolve into a pile of knees without working my quads at all. I will aim to be strong enough for it one day though.

LBH is not good, has not progressed at all, which is not surprising to me. In fact it felt more constrictive than usual, probably due to the prior day’s run of backbending with A.

I managed all 5 Nakrasana forward hops, YAY! Still can’t do it backwards but it will come. I find starting in chaturanga makes all the difference to me. I’m not sure if that is correct, but when I start on my belly I do this awful worm-thump thing.

I was able to hold Vrshikasana without using the wall today, which has never happened before either. I’m realizing as I’m writing this that I completely forgot Vatayanasana and all related vinyasas. Darnit!

The headstands are still fine. The baddha hastas can be done without a wall now, but the mukha hastas need a bit more time. I don’t use the wall every time but I use it enough that I’m not ready to move away.

In closing I did UD to standing at the wall 3 times and 3 hangbacks…so there it is, I broke the seal on full intermediate + backbends. It's been too long!

New: video from yesterday of my recent Laghu Vajrasana approach (hands to calves)...I am not able to do 5 breaths yet or touch my head to floor so it is quite quick, but it will come - there is a short hangback afterwards.

And below is an LV video from one month ago (hands to ankles). I can almost see where I touch (thump) my head and completely disengage my bandha.

First Dropback at the wall

2009-10-11T06:00:00.001-05:00

I love A’s classes. She included hanumanasana and samakonasana in the prasaritas, and some preparatory quad and hip flexor openers, along with shoulder/armpit/rib(?) openers. Then we did intermediate up to laghu vajrasana, which she let us try several times…she had me lean back holding higher on my calves, around my knee crease, which felt better to me than ankles, given my current struggle…once I was down she helped me hook my hand around my thigh. I’m certain I wouldn’t have been able to do this without her help. And then she assisted when I came back up. The high-calf, knee-grab is something that helps with my steepness issue, which in theory should help me come back up. I’m not sure if this is acceptable traditionally (not that I care much one way or another but it wouldn’t fly in J’s room, so practice opportunities for this are limited to home). I found that I needed less help to come up this way. The normal assist I need is someone grabbing my hips and hauling me up. A intervened more on the way down than up, helping me maintain the steepness and then on the way up she got involved only until she could see my own equilibrium would take me the rest of the way. (I love conservative, decreasing adjustments by the way…adjustments where you do most of the work).

She gave us a viparita dandasana prep at the wall (sirsasana, then one leg to wall, both legs to wall, lift head, lower head, walk one leg down, back up, walk other down, back up, both down at once using the wall as a guide). We spent a lot of time on this one and it was fun!

Then drop backs and UD to standing….I dropped back for the first time at the wall. I’d come up at the wall but never dropped back before. It was great!!

Today the entire front of my body feels awake. My throat, my abdomen, hip flexors and quads.

Tickets

2009-10-08T05:41:00.003-05:00

Got new passport photos taken, renewed the thing, it's arriving later this month...then I can apply for a Visa. Bought my airline tickets and also a spot in the retreat itself, in Savasana House. There were no singles left so I will room with another student from the studio, we went to the passport office together and booked our flights online at the same time to make sure we had all the same connections...I am so excited! Then we emailed all afternoon about the fun things we were going to learn.

Because it is a retreat there will be students of all levels there, including beginners looking for a relaxing getaway. I'm told that Nancy groups them up with her assistants and focuses on those who have been practicing longer herself, which I am thankful for. Apparently she also has some students who have progressed past second, and you can watch them practice. I have never seen anyone do third (aside from video clips here and there) so I am looking forward to that! It is inspiring.

I remember when I started learning primary and so much of it seemed difficult to me...and the idea of intermediate seemed ludicrous. I would leaf through my David Swenson book and figure, no one actually DOES those headstands, right? And who on earth puts their legs behind their head. If I hadn't seen people do it with my own eyes in Mysore class I'd probably never have had the guts to try it.

I'm also looking forward to the food!

Led Primary; death of a shuffleback

2009-10-06T18:33:00.000-05:00

Today I realized that the shuffleback was not going to survive in Led, not with the speedy vinyasa counts…everyone was heading into downdog by the time I got to chaturanga. It felt disruptive so I decided to stick with the original plan and save it for Mysore. J’s big on synchrony in Led. After a couple months in Mysore it is invited to Led.

Today it took me a lot longer than usual to turn my mind off. Usually by the time I hit Padahastasana I’m zoned out. Finally my breath came to the party and I got into a groove. Primary is hard, man.

In Bhujapidasana I ended up hanging on the back of my arms my butt dropping to the mat after each swing up. It was comical! I don’t normally have difficulty crossing the feet but today I just couldn’t make it work. I am making a mental/physical connection between my difficulty in Bhujapidasana and in jumpbacks. I’m fairly certain one could resolve the other. The action of bending the elbows and dropping the shoulders is where I am stuck in my jumpback and it has never been strong in Bhuji either. More primary, more primary…

I came home to a quiet empty house, delicious dinner already made and a just-opened bottle of sparkling wine open in the fridge, ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Moon day - Power Vinyasa Flow

2009-10-03T21:20:00.002-05:00

I took my rest day yesterday and enjoyed an early Power Vinyasa Flow class this morning. We did a lot of plank work and long holds...it was a challenge and felt like a great workout. I will be sore tomorrow.

I noticed today how little mat time there is in Power Vinyasa Flow...we did long Surya variations followed by standing, then more vinyasas, standing, balancing and maybe 3 mat poses which were part of the modified closing section. H mentioned to me when she was home how she felt like it was difficult to keep the heat going during primary once she hit the mat (she is an ashtanga-based Vinyasa yogi). I think she is right, it is difficult to keep that heat...vinyasas and ujjayi breath help, as does moving through the series quickly...but it is a very different energy from a flow class. J is great at pacing the series, we rarely spend more than 70 minutes on full primary so it is hard work and I feel heat but I would lose it if I slowed down I think. I sometimes lose my heat in 2nd because I slow myself down...otherwise my breathing is laboured and erratic and I can get panicky/exhausted in certain poses.

For now, I would rather suffer a bit of coolness in 2nd than be forceful. I was forceful a lot when I was learning primary.

Today after yoga I went to the office and stayed there, working, for 13 hours. I'm exhausted....I am now drinking a glass of wine and winding down for bed. I will play it by ear tomorrow to see if I can make it to yoga. I have a lot of stuff to get done tomorrow, and I need to eat sensibly. But the idea of some backbends is pretty tempting...maybe I could do 2nd half of 2nd and try some dropbacks? Maybe if someone else does.

Kapotasana!!

2009-10-01T19:39:00.003-05:00

I arrived at Mysore and the studio was empty. I thought I had made a mistake or it was a moon day or something but then another lady showed up so I knew it was OK. I did all of standing, primary to Navasana with no vinyasas between sides…then into 2nd.

I got great adjustments in Bhekasana and Dhanurasana. In Bhekasana J anchored my calves with her legs and held my shoulders, pulling them back. It felt incredible and my chest lifted a good 6 inches. Then in Dhanurasana, she held my calves and pulled me back so I rose right up onto my pelvis (which felt great on the back, but not so great on the pelvis). Funny how I always think it is tightness of my front that prevents me from going deeper into some of those poses, but it is really the weakness in my back. Apparently my front is open, my back just isn’t strong enough yet to pull me there.

In Laghu Vajrasana I went back as far as I could while still feeling the grounding in my quads…so I didn’t touch my head to mat (or even come close, pretty sure).

I started Kapotasana and J came over, she asked me if I wanted help or to try it alone (yay!). I asked if I could try it alone, and she let me. I saw my toes again, I was so excited! I got my toes from the air and walked fingertips up past the ball of my foot while hovering. I really love that hovering part, it feels good.

After Supta Vajrasana I vinyasa’d out by resting my trunk on my elbows and lifting my lotus back, I haven’t tried that in ages but this time it felt much easier…I think the Shalabhasanas have helped.

Eka Pada, Dwi Pada…eh. My right leg can get back there fine, it just can’t stay…left leg is another story.

I did the shuffleback for all my vinyasas and I think it is going to help. I am hopeful. It may take years but I’m up for it, committed to the shuffleback, unless I’m in Led. Whatever J showed me in Mysore Monday actually worked because my jumpthroughs felt great today.

Anyway, I got sent to close after Dwi Pada, could have done more but them’s the breaks.

Goa thoughts

2009-09-30T17:31:00.004-05:00

Through the week before the wedding, I was busy and stressed and looking forward to the return to normalcy after the spectacle was over. I kept focusing on Goa and my regular 4 practices a week plus stretches and home asana workshops with props in the evening (no, I don’t do the traditional 5 then 6 practice weeks). And as I fantasized about Goa, my escapist thinking was becoming more and more goal-oriented, as in “by the time Goa rolls around, maybe I will be able to do this…” and then worse “I want to be able to do this before I go to Goa”.

When I began yoga it was completely a physical workout. So it was natural to bring a level of achievement-oriented energy to it. Now that it has become something else for me, I am trying not to be so goal-oriented but it is difficult, I’m human!

The best I can do is be aware of it and try to rein it in as it happens. The compromise I am striking is to regard the regularity and frequency of my practice as a goal, more so than individual poses…so that I will seldom go two days without practicing and so that I will be on the mat more. And if I do that, everything else falls into place. I may not be doing Dwi Pada by January, but if my practice is regular and frequent, then I’m doing yoga.

Because I can’t help it, and because they will be the focus of posts over the next few months, here are the main challenges I face in 2nd.

Laghu Vajrasana – coming back up to kneeling
Bakasana – jumping into it
LBH – all of it, all the time
Tittibhasanas – can’t get the bind, or jump into it
Karandavasana - (Can't believe I forgot this one when I first wrote this post)
Mayurasana – I still don’t understand this one, and I say understand because I believe my body has the capacity, but I just don’t get it
Nakrasana – is “detest” too strong a word?
Backbends – I haven’t learned to drop back or stand up unassisted

There are a lot of other tweaks like the transitions between poses that I’m only still scratching the surface of and things like bringing the knee closer in Vatayanasana but I will leave that to a few years of regular practice. Those things don’t happen overnight and I’m happy to wait for them to appear as little surprises month by month. Primary was so joyful in that way! What a fun and rewarding year I had figuring it out.

So if I am lucky, perhaps ONE of these tricky asana will fall into place in the next little while, or I will learn something new in Goa that makes my brain and body click. And if not, perhaps Goa will teach me how not to be so goal-oriented.

Hm.

2009-09-29T19:44:00.004-05:00

I was taking a pic of my new haircut to send my sister and I decided to video a jumpback attempt so I could see where I am...

I realize the angle is quite bad, sorry, it was spur of the moment. I am wearing super-cozy wigwam socks and flannel jammies and I have a slick-as-hell engineered hardwood floor...all factors contributing to how much easier it feels here than on my black mat (or an Equa or yogitoes) at the studio.

So it is pretty obvious I'm still struggling, but I am actually closer than I had thought. And by closer I don't mean like 90% there, I mean like more than 20% there, which is where I thought I was. I like numbers (see profile).

I'm glad I recorded it. Seeing it (more than 20%) makes me believe J that someday, even if it is in 8 years, I will be able to do it.

Two things I definitely need to work on are tucking myself in quite a bit smaller, folding up my legs tighter and more into my body (maybe navasana will help? what muscle am i engaging to do this, besides MB, the hip flexor?). Second thing is learning how to edit my videos, to cut out the start and finish.

PM Mysore, AM open practice

2009-09-29T12:52:00.002-05:00

After a hiccup yesterday morning, today was my first early-bird practice and I loved it. It was tough to get out of bed, tough to drive without the benefit of coffee and my body was stiff and unyielding from 8 hours of sleep, the recent cooler temperatures and the memory of two previous days’ practices. But it was all good. The studio was toasty warm, and a teacher from the other side of town was there and already at Laghu Vajrasana when I arrived. I enjoyed his steady energy and the fact that he had already brought considerable warmth to the room. It is so inspiring to see a dude in his sixties rocking Bakasana B. I mean how on earth can that not motivate you?

Standing to Parsvottanasana, primary to Navasana…vinyasas between poses but none between sides. Correct, straight-leg navasana is becoming easier, I never thought I would say it but there it is. It’s possible, even for me with my shortish torso and longish legs.

On to 2nd through to Dwi Pada. Backbends at 7:00am are humbling, I’ll tell you that. I thought I knew my range and my limits and I was treated to an eye-opener when dropping into Kapo. It took me three hangbacks to get the confidence to even put my hands down. And once they were down, I stayed in B, I didn’t even consider trying to bring the hands back to my toes. It was god-awful. But I loved it. And someday, with more morning practice, I’ll be able to do it. Best of all, I was free to struggle, to hesitate, to muck up a pose and try it again, and to take a few extra breaths in downdog preparing for the next asana. I would never give up Mysore completely, I still need help and adjustments, but I like the freedom of struggling and finding my way a few times a week. I think I need those opportunities.

I was conservative with my timing and vinyasas this morning, erring on the side of cutting out poses and it’s a good thing, because I ended up with a 55-minute practice and just enough time to do it all…during breakfast I checked emails and stuff too, but I don’t want to give that time up.

6:40 alarm
6:52 in the car
6:58 on the mat
7:54 in the car
8:06 in the shower
8:21 breakfast
8:35 blowdry and get dressed
8:51 walking to work
9:01 at my desk

I’d much prefer closer to a 70-minute practice….if I set the alarm for 6:30 I can probably take it to Pincha, or do full standing, squeeze in more vinyasas in primary, or do full primary and no 2nd. Lots of options. I am resistant to anything earlier than 6:30, but maybe that will change in time. I set out my clothes for yoga and work the night before and set up the coffee too. This afternoon I got my hair cut shorter than it has been in nearly 10 years, so that is going to help considerably with the blowdrying time!

Last night in Mysore J walked me through the jumpthrough. She said, “every time your feet hit the mat on the way through, you are stopping your practice”. So we did a few tries…engage MB, tuck the hip and swing through and it was thrilling to find that it worked a couple times. Usually my feet skid but I end up getting through…when she coached me, a couple of times my feet came all the way through and my butt landed softly. I kept them up through the rest of last night’s practice but was losing it toward the end due to fatigue. I used the method this morning and I am going to keep trying.

We also talked about jump-backs (dread, sigh). She said she wants me to start with the pickup, then struggling through without moving my hands (I've been doing a pickup, then moving my hands in front of me)…she said she thinks I can actually do it if I just spend some time in the struggle. I tried today…it isn’t so bad. It is awkward and it slows things down but I can see the value in it. It is probably like the toe-roll, something that used to seem impossible, but if you try it every time you can eventually do it every time…I don't know if true jumpbacks are ever going to work on this body but I will definitely keep trying.

Morning Practice?

2009-09-28T05:30:00.002-05:00

This morning I went to the studio to practice (per website open 6:30-8:00am) but it was locked up! I arrived at 6:50 and waited outside until 7:05 but no dice...disappointed. I have been thinking about making a move toward morning practices for a while and changing my work hours to 9-6. It has the double benefit of reducing overtime since I'm going in later plus having my evenings free.

Not going to happen today. By the time I cut it off, I was glad to have some coffee and a bagel. I'll go to Mysore tonight and mention it to J, see if she's still allowing open practice in the mornings...third benefit, it isn't mysore so i can get away with no adjustments!

I thought (for a millisecond) about going to another studio nearby that I know has 6am Mysore, but I didn't have my mat. Or money.

Hopefully if work doesn't tie me down I can make it to regular Mysore tonight and post a practice diary...if not I will post some Goa thoughts.

Primary and part of 2nd

2009-09-27T16:24:00.002-05:00

Today was my first day back to the studio after the honeymoon and I was so excited when I woke up! I was expecting some tough going, for the transitions to feel difficult and for exhaustion to set in early. But it didn’t…we did a quiet practice with no one calling out breath counts. Most of the time we were on count together, but I could tell it had relaxed a bit in that a few others were going at their own pace.

I’ve mentioned before, that I love the chaturanga-updog-downdog between standing and seated. I think it is the warmth of the body after standing and how much smoother it feels than earlier in the Suryas. Anyway, today it felt extra heavenly…

The marichyasanas were fine, they’ll be tighter again after a few more practices, I still crap out on the Bhujapidasana head-to-floor and back up bit, which hasn’t improved with stopping at navasana to go to 2nd. Today I didn’t even trust myself to lower my head. So I will work on that in the evenings a bit I think. I barely caught the bind in Supta K and brought my feet to touch but didn’t cross. My navasana was straight legs all the way (all five times!). A suitable first day back to school. I’ve had better practices but I loved how I felt (energized, not depleted) so that was enough for me.

We finished primary and remarkably (for me) I still felt fresh and able to do more. I wasn’t “wrung out” yet, as J would say. I didn’t go to close, just contemplated for a second and then J asked me if I was waiting for her to tell me what to do…I said no, I was trying to decide what I had in me to do. She said “go to Ustrasana” so I did. I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved that I wouldn’t be doing Laghu Vaj or Kapo but I didn’t want to ask for them so I decided I was relieved.

For the first time, sweat was a problem in Pashasana! I never had the problem with slippage before, but it caught me up on the left side. Right was fine. I still don’t know if I will ever get the wrist in this one, but fingers are fine for now. In hindsight I had it in me, so I probably should have gone through to Bakasana, my Ustrasana felt super open and I could tell the Kapo would have been a good one. Next Sunday perhaps.

J’s normal policy is to give dropbacks only after full 2nd. Since I will only do full 2nd once or twice a week, I’ve decided to work a little harder in urdhva dhanurasana the other days to continue this work. Walk the hands in a little more, lift a little higher, get more into the shoulders and thoracic. Straighten the legs a bit more. Today I watched (semi-longingly) as A did her backbends. So amazing!

The Liberator

2009-09-26T14:56:00.003-05:00

Months ago, on one of my favorite blogs, I happened upon a description of a tool/prop used to aid in dropping back from standing or into Kapo. It was called the Dune and basically it is a wedge-shaped mat used for tumbling drills in gymnastics. I decided that I needed to have one.

Thus began a months-long hunt for this product online, in gym equipment stores and industrial parks…I even emailed an acquaintance who works for the school board distributing gym equipment to see if he could hook me up. Turns out he is mostly into football and probably confused to no end why I needed such a thing. None of the online distributors could ship to Canada…disappointment at every turn.

Then….I saw the movie Burn After Reading, and realized there was another application (and therefore source) for the prop. So my traipsing online took a detour into Adult Furniture (yes) and I continued my hunt in sex shops throughout three provinces, online to many purveyors who would not ship to Canada and finally found a website that could help me out and promised discreet shipping to the great north. Sold!

Edit - the packaging was not as "discreet" as promised...:-)

I finally received "The Liberator", a wedge mat covered in durable black microfiber (I ordered blue, to make it less obvious, but they sent me black anyways).

Anyhoo – the point of the post is to draw attention to a couple other (yoga) uses for the liberator…I’ve been using it at the beginning of Pincha Mayurasana to get my toes up a little higher and therefore my hips/pelvis in the right place earlier in the attempt. It really made a big difference for me in my pincha mayurasana journey, and also relieved the tenderness in the pad of the bottom foot from repeated attempts at kicking up and coming back down onto one foot (I know I should do it double-footed, hopefully I can someday).

Karandavasana is a lofty goal. In all likelihood it won’t ever be possible for me, but I will still try, so I envision using the liberator to cushion my many, many falls.

H has trouble with Sirsasana and we used the Liberator to get her taking off from a higher point. She actually hung out in teddy bear stand for longer than she ever has (I don’t think it was just the liberator, she had E and I screaming supportively at her that she was “up! UP!”). I wish we’d had more time to practice together and work on it. I can totally tell from the attempts that I saw that she is so close. Like a couple hours of practice with someone beside her to debrief (too far with hips, not far enough) and she would likely nail it. I’m lucky that Sirsasana came to me so easily, I learned it as a kid.

I also use the Liberator in some of my Pre-LBH stretches and I recline on it after I get LBH and tire of holding my leg with hands and neck. I lean back onto the liberator and let gravity do some of the work while I continue the hip opening.

I adore my liberator - money well spent!

Wedding, Yogis

2009-09-23T08:48:00.000-05:00

The wedding was amazing. Cold, rainy, harsh winds and it was still beautiful…we still took photos outside too.

There were a handful of yogis at my wedding! I had the good fortune to spend a bit of time talking to an Iyengar yogi in her fifth year of certification process and she was somewhat disillusioned with the style…she has reached the point where they are doing backbends out of sirsasana and she is finding it painful and knows some other yogis who have hurt themselves. She has two young kids and wonders if it is worth it. She started in Bikram, then Ashtanga, then Iyengar. We were discussing the differences between Iyengar and Ashtanga and she said she would find it boring doing the same thing each day. If you’d asked me earlier this year I would have agreed with her. But now that I’m working on intermediate, I have plenty to keep me busy, between keeping my primary up to speed and creating some ease in intermediate (a long way to go there). I feel for her that she has come this far and is now having doubts. Any other style would take her, with her dedication!

I also caught up with a friend who brought me to my first yoga class. He is now teaching some Power Flow classes and practices Ashtanga on his own time. We had such a great time chatting and sharing our experiences. He is in a creative field of work so he craves the regularity that Ashtanga provides. He was the one who introduced me (and my friend H who is taking teacher training) to our beloved first teacher Alex. He’s based out of Orlando, hasn’t been down to Miami to see Kino MacGregor but I suggested that he go…

I also “played yoga” a bit with H, not a practice but we showed eachother what we’re working on. We spoke a lot about the divergence in our styles since the time we were roommates but I’ll go into more detail on that one later. It was so interesting, considering we came from an identical background! But something different attracted each of us to where we ended up. I thought I might be able to “sell” her on Ashtanga but she’s just as passionate about Power/Vinyasa/Flow, and she’s totally committed so I know she’ll stay there and carry on. Her updog/downdog transition is really something amazing to see…whatever she’s been doing for two years is working…she can actually slip a chaturanga/plank in there (yes, like a MAN) before sliding back to downdog. It’s unreal. Anyhow, have to save some details for my next posts 

Because of the busy-ness of the wedding and honeymoon I haven’t been blogging so I’ve been thinking up some posts that I want to write and one of them is about Goa and what it means to me and how I’ll be spending the next three months. It was interesting when I examined how I was thinking about it and what my motivations were. I probably won’t post again until the honeymoon is over so hopefully I’ll have that train of thought worked out by then.

Edgy, Wedding

2009-09-18T11:13:00.003-05:00

I met up with a friend and took a class from my fiance's cousin this week and it was such a relief to do some yoga!! My hometown is where my practice goes to die...there's no space in my parents' home to practice (not exaggerating) and no gym nearby, and its quite cold out, plus wedding details have been keeping me busy.

BUT, what the hell kind of yoga blog writes sporadic updates on the reasons they haven't practiced in days??? it's comical...i promise, things will improve after the wedding, when i'm in Goa Prep Mode...more vids.

I arranged with the resort to have access to a gym-type room on site the day of the wedding (tomorrow), at 7am - to myself. I will do primary alone and breathe and sweat and i can't frigging wait! Meanwhile I've been enjoying seeing old friends, drinking beer, being on boats, eating my face off, sleeping minimally and in all ways imaginable setting myself up for illness, bad skin or bloating on the day of my wedding - frankly, I'm having too much fun to care. the stressy moments are becoming hilarious and it helps so much to have your best friends around for it. disasters become comical, and start to feel like minor hiccups.

i took some natural calming calming pills my aunt procured for my mom and it truly helped - E also slipped me some Ativan which resulted in my best sleep in weeks. I finally found the wherewithal to stop fretting about weather, details and guest arrangements and ask my mom how she was doing and call my mother-in-law and ask her what help she might need for her pre-wedding soiree tonight. feeling like a better person.

looking forward to the honeymoon in beautiful, rugged cape breton...

Sunday Led, or not Led?

2009-09-14T08:36:00.005-05:00

Sunday we did Led primary without being led. We just did the series, tried to keep on the same pace and breath count and end up in the same postures most of the time. I think that is going to take some getting used to...I find it distracting to be waiting for others to move into the next breath and posture, perhaps that is part of the challenge though...J thinks it will be a good segue into Mysore for beginners. She is probably right. Not sure about it, will give it a few more tries but I prefer Led or Mysore I think, not the hybrid. Of course I will still go though...I can't give up a Sunday practice.

The upside of this format is the flexibility after Primary, we stop being in sync...after Setu Bandhasana J told us we could either go to close, do first half of intermediate or last half intermediate. I did first half as I didn't have enough juice in me for the Tittibhasanas. It was OK, I was happy to do some backbending as I hadn't expected that when I came to class. I told J I'd be away for the wedding and back in two weeks...

So wedding week starts. After two weeks of gorgeous weather, today is frigid, blustery, overcast and raining...saturday forecast is calling for 80% chance of rain, 10mm...great. Well, a lot can change in 4 days...

Today I am without my vehicle so no practice, but I'm going to drop in to a hot yoga class tomorrow in town...looking forward to it! Wednesday and Friday I get to practice with the girls, and I am so excited!! I haven't been in a studio with H in well over 2 years....she started her teacher training this week, and she's bringing her books and materials which I am pumped to see. I can't wait to hear her impressions but I think she's going to love it.

Oh, I told J I found a sweet flight that I wanted to book and she told me to wait until after I got back and we'd do it all together in October. So hopefully the cost is close.

Today I meet with my photog, do a rehearsal and dinner. Countdown to wedded bliss continues. :-)

Oooooooooooh - my dad gave me his old tripod, so the framing qualities of my videos should improve as I've just been balancing the camera on top of blocks, books, coffee table.

Saturdabbleday, Power Vinyasa Flow, shhhhhh and video!

2009-09-12T09:08:00.013-05:00

This morning A’s class was cancelled and I wanted an early class so I could get on with my day (lots of packing and planning to do)…I haven’t visited a non-ashtanga studio since I changed my focus earlier this year, but I felt like something different so I dropped in to an 8:30 class that I hadn’t attended in ages and I had a great time! I wouldn’t want to do it all the time or even once a week, but I learned in that environment and it is fun to return.

We did loooooooong sun salutations. Like with 5-breath warriors in the middle. It was challenging, my body isn’t used to long holds in certain poses and definitely not the on-one-leg stuff or side planks.

Sometimes the teacher (S) focuses on hip openers or backbends or inversions. Today was an inversion day so we worked on headstand. A few minutes in she got us to move to a wall and we could work on forearm balance or handstand if we wanted. I wanted! So I did some pincha’s at the wall and was happy to learn that I hadn’t lost the bit of ground I’d gained on them in my erratic last few weeks.

After I got home I was craving backbends so I did the shalabhasanas, bhekasana, dhanurasanas and then took video of Laghu Vajrasana and Kapotasana. My Laghu Vajrasana struggle is plain. My thighs need to be much straighter up, and I clearly lack the strength to return to kneeling…although if my thighs were straighter up maybe it would be a bit easier! There is something confusing to me about the proportions of this asana….I need to watch others do it I think, and see how their limbs/measurements translate it. I can probably grab my ankles lying flat in virasana…which is why I have a tough time making sense of where my hands/shoulders/ankles/thighs should be.

It is painful to watch my LV! But this is for posterity. :-)

My Kapotasana did not feel as open as it normally does during a traditional ashtanga practice but I am happy I could walk in to my toes on my own. I should have hung a bit longer maybe, might have opened a bit and landed the hands closer in. What is the norm? Do people aim to touch toes from the air?

So anyhow here it is. I’ve also added a bakasana jumpback to chaturanga, which USED to be consistent but I very much land on my chest in this one, lol. And a regular old Surya A, to demonstrate the shock absorption and my not-as-much-bandha-as-i-would-like fear I mentioned in a prior post, particularly on the jump forward.

Primary at Mysore, trip to Goa

2009-09-10T19:39:00.001-05:00

God I feel heavy. My hamstrings are still tight from yesterday – I could tell by the first exhale I wasn’t getting my palms to the floor throughout any of the Suryas. I noticed two others practicing intermediate and I missed it. But the more I think about it, I know I’m not ready to get back to it yet.

I did a few awkward pickup attempts, to ease them back into my practice. The marichyasanas felt great. I took the wrist in both B&C, which I hadn’t done in a while and it felt good. I got a good straightening up adjustment in B (I tend to lean, like a lot) and C felt especially nice, not pushing too hard. D was great, I’m finding that after I get around the knee, I grab the shin of the lotus leg and it feels nice!

I brought all my weapons to Navasana and I survived it. I am committed to straight legs from now on. Bandha! J didn’t even have to remind me to lift the chest. Still damn hard though.

Bhuji haunts me, I think this is really one that I should be working on at home. It doesn’t take much warm-up, and it is mostly bandha. I make it down without feet maybe 1 in 10 times. Needs to be more. The movement is so similar to a jumpback. And coming back up (cannot do) is totally prep for the arm balances in third (not that I need to think about third series any time soon).

I had a good Supta K, which I was extremely pleased about due to my low expectation (haven’t done it in over a week). I was prepared to lose the bind when I crossed my feet, purely out of hamstring and shoulder tightness but I didn’t. I am trying to work toward curving my back a little less in Supta K. Although I can generally bind and cross feet, they normally cross in front of my head (on my mat) and I have my back quite hunched.

In exciting news, the Goa trip is still on. There are apparently five of us from the PS going which makes a good crew. There is a flight for 1275 that I want to book, and E has her eye on it too. As long as I don’t travel alone I don’t care how I get there really. But I’m going…and when the wedding is over I can get back into the normal routine. Phewf.

Beginnings

2009-09-09T18:54:00.002-05:00

By some miracle, I got out of work at 5:00 today and was able to make it to the PS for the 5:30 Ashtanga Intro class. It wasn’t my ideal return to practice, I had kind of envisioned a dynamic arse-kicking full primary or intermediate but that being said, once in a while I do love a beginner class.

Primary to Navasana, no Janu C, modified Marichyasanas (without ardha padma), stopped at Navasana with a modified closing…no sirsasana, no lotus in sarvangasana. Done.

I’m not a (primary) beginner anymore. So beginner class is a lesson in humility and following instructions. Not taking anything that isn’t offered to the whole class, not skipping ahead, following the count carefully (I find this more difficult now that I do mysore), being respectful of others’ practice spaces and paces….which means not whipping out the deepest version of the asana, but fitting in at the level offered. It’s a community experience. J gets super pissed when her regulars attend a beginner class and skip ahead or do a full expression if she offers a modification only. I don’t blame her, and I actually love complying, it truly doesn’t frustrate me at all. It would have killed me a year ago, so I hope that means the practice is working on my Type A SuperVata brain and softening me a bit. I did notice one particular beginner watching me when a couple of Sanskrit names escaped him and he wasn’t sure what to do next, so I was happy that I could help.

Normally I find myself loose and able after a short break but today I was tight, especially in my hips…I think the result of back-to-back 10K hikes over the weekend. I also felt a bit heavy in my twists, from the weight I’ve gained. The suryas and the jumpbacks (not full jumpbacks, still can't do those) felt very nice. They probably looked totally bovine. But it felt great to jump and land and swing again.

One thing I noticed about my Vinyasa after watching video is that it looks much different than it feels. I use my triceps and elbows and knees to soften the landings, so I am quiet in my forward jumps to uttanasana and back to chaturanga, but I worry I’m not using my bandha to create lightness…and that the shock-absorption effect is masking a lack of true lightness. This is one of the reasons I’m liking blogging and taking some video...as difficult as it is to watch, it is so informative.

I set the stage at work to leave on time tomorrow to attend Mysore and coming in late on Friday so I can rock primary Led in the morning. I am really looking forward to both and posting my practice diaries!

Weddings, disruption

2009-09-08T18:00:00.003-05:00

What is it about weddings? The most joyful experience ever! Tears, whether you know the couple or not! They are amazing. And we eat a lot, we drink a lot, we sleep in, we miss our practice, we take time off work and have to catch up...and then we're several days without a practice and feeling miserable.

We drove 11 hours this weekend to attend a wedding, to drink and eat and dance our asses off. Then I worked until 8 tonight and missed my beloved Led Primary class. And I am beat, too beat to do much of anything now. Summer and weddings and vacation and catching up at work...if I were a good yogi these wouldn't interrupt my practice but the fact is that they do. So I will just do my best. :-)

And since I can't in good conscience talk about asana right now...I will talk about Ayurveda, which I am just starting to learn about. I did a couple of quizzes and I am some sort of Kapha-Vata cross. Vata in my nature and Kapha in my body? J thinks I am a Vata body but I disagree. This body is a water vessel, I just know it. But I am easily frustrated, drained and I often find that others don't work/speak/act fast enough for me. Not that I think I am the fastest, but I work with a lot of new trainees and keeping my patience is sometimes difficult (although I spare the newbies any harshness, if you've been around a while and you're still slow, you're definitely not going to feel the love). Anyhow, the descriptions of the doshes are so interesting, I'd like to learn more about it...my friend H is taking teacher training so I will likely hit her up for some details or an assessment or something when I see her at my own wedding in 2 weeks.

Pincha Mayurasana in jeans

2009-09-02T05:58:00.007-05:00

This was my most recent challenge...it took me a couple months of focus in my home practice to get myself up there. It definitely still needs work. From time to time, I can hit the right spot without touching the wall first (practicing in the center of the room and learning to fall has helped this) but so far, the below video is where I am consistently. I didn't post yesterday, b/c work kept me late and then I had to go find a pretty dress for a wedding this weekend :-)

I thought it would be a simple task, but I sometimes forget how my height makes even dress-shopping difficult. I found something though, didn't love it in the store, but was more happy with it when i got home.

Anyhow, enjoy the vid...excuse the jeans...better post to come soon about my next challenge (leg-behind-head) and how I'm approaching it. You can hear my guy laughing at something he is watching online in the background, I swear he's not laughing at me!

Mysore: Primary

2009-08-31T19:16:00.000-05:00

The last time we did full primary in Led, I realized that my recent focus on 2nd (and the overall routine-upset of summer) had weakened me in the transitions. I’ve never had the jumpback, but before I started intermediate, I was at least doing that awkward pickup attempt before most of them to build strength. I found I wasn’t even doing that anymore.

So I decided to dedicate a Mysore practice a week to Primary. Right now I try to get to 3-4 classes per week at the practice space (summer has been harder). Two Mysore and two Led. On other days I practice at home, but it isn’t Ashtanga. It is more like a series of exercises and stretches and it is workshoppy. So considering I only get 2 full intermediate practices a week, giving up one is pretty significant…but it will be worth it. And as I got through Primary, I realized I need it.

The space was warm when I arrived (late) because there were already 6 people in there building heat. I got right into it and was sweating up a storm in no time. For some reason I felt nice and light jumping forward to Uttanasana today in the Suryas. Sweet!

I have to say, I *love* the vinyasa/transition between Utkatasana and Virabhadrasana 1. Why does it feel so good? You’re so much warmer than in the Suryas and that Chaturanga-updog feels fab!

I got a rockin’ adjustment in Marichyasana C. I don’t push this one anymore…I have a fairly wide range of motion in my twists but if I get too twisty my QL can act up the following days. If I am feeling gentle I won’t even take the wrist in C, and I’ve stopped taking the wrist in D (unless assisted). In fact I don’t even know if I can do it alone anymore. Once I started linking fingers in pashasana I decided not to push as hard in the marichyasanas and my midback agrees with me.

I’ve been kinda regretting my laziness in Navasana and decided today was day 1 of my new relationship with it. Straightened the legs, pointed the toes, it was not near as low as J would have wanted but I was happy with it. It will improve. Bhuji was OK, I did touch my feet before lowering my head and (as usual) on the way back up. I wasn’t able to hold the full breath count. This one still needs work.

Supta Kurmasana is one of the ones I always hated and is now one of my faves. I’ve had smoother binds, but this one was fine. Walked the feet in (how on earth do people lift the feet – no idea) and crossed them.

Today I graduated from hands under hips to hands over head UD-style in Setu Bandhasana and it felt really strong and grounded today. Dare I say, I liked it?? Even better than hands under hips??

That’s it for now – I’m working on a post describing the LBH work I’ll be doing in the evenings for the next little while. Started this last night and there is a lot of work to be done.

Sunday Intermediate, Laghu Vajrasana blues

2009-08-30T11:58:00.001-05:00

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I went to the practice space today, but J was away so it was a self-practice day. This didn’t bother me in the least. I love self-practice in the community space…it allows me to borrow heat and energy from others, plus I can trim out vinyasas and also take a few sneaky breaks, which I’m still finding necessary to manage my energy throughout intermediate. It also removes assistance from the picture, which is probably good for all of us once in a while.

Standing to reverse Namaste, seated to Navasana, then full intermediate. All systems go up to Laghu Vajrasana. It is improving. Atrocious but improving. It has been a while since I’ve gotten that awful calf spasm or shoulder knot on the way down. I’ve figured out how to maintain more of the bend in my back so that helps. Coming up is still strictly garbagio. I suspect it is quad strength I am missing. Kapo was also disappointing after Monday’s “I-can-see-my-toes” revelation…but I will try it again tomorrow and Thursday so all is good.

A was there and showed me how to strap my feet for Supta Vaj, which allows me to do the work while someone grounds my thighs. It was cool! I had always suspected I could probably manage the up-and-down on my own but we usually practice assisted with no props so I wasn’t sure. Happy to learn that I could.

I usually modify the entire LBH sequence if I am practicing unassisted, which is what I did today (see weenie section in Swenson book). Now that my two-month focus on Pincha Mayurasana is finally paying off, I am going to switch to LBH in my home/evening/workshoppy practice. I should take a video or two so I can see ground zero.

I had a great Pincha Mayurasana today, which was a nice surprise! I found my bearings with a quick touch to the wall (can’t WAIT until that is consistently unnecessary) and held it for the full breath count. Came down, vinyasa, then did a bottom-part-of-karanda variation that looks a bit like bakasana with pincha arms. Might have to post a pic of this one, a little hard to explain. It’s the best I can do alone I think, without the adjustment J gives us. Wasn’t really sure what to do? I should scour the internets for karanda variations. I’ve been wanting to do Baddha Hasta Sirsasana C, lotus up the legs and bring ‘em down during mysore but I keep procrastinating asking J as I suspect this isn’t the traditional approach. Maybe will inquire at her next workshop.

I video’d my Vrischikasana today and I laughed aloud when I realized how straight I am. Something about that pose makes it feel as though I am in some delicious backbend. Wrong! Haha. Mayurasana was the joke it usually is. Toes and chin heavy on floor, elbows in gut, mind in confusion. Sometimes I wish there was a private Nakrasana stall/area in the practice space so one could do it alone and never be viewed.

I took a significant break after Vatayanasana even though it was the gearing-down part of the series. I needed it. My breath was rampageous (if that is a word) and energy was all over the place.

7 headstands, check. On to closing. UD, chin and hands to wall, walk up the wall. Did some hangbacks and held, but did not attempt to drop back.

Was a happy practice, if only for the pincha mayurasana!

A’s class, Quad opening, Learning to Drop Back

2009-08-30T11:54:00.002-05:00

I wrote this yesterday and forgot to post it!

Today we started with long holds, mostly quad openers, using the wall, straps and blocks. Then a few Suryas, holding our updogs in the B’s…so if the quad openers weren’t enough of a clue, I knew by the end of the Surya’s that we’d be doing some backbends…so I was excited!

At one point we did Virasana with a block behind us and laid back on it. I propped my block up to it’s highest point and was delighted and surprised when my head touched the ground behind it. I think it had everything to do with having the block in just the right spot. But it felt great to have the opening in the back, and the ease of resting my noggin without using my neck or shoulders.

We did some standing, then into Samakonasana, followed by Hanumanasana. I used blocks under my thighs for both, at the highest setting…this is not a movement I’m used to at all. It was inspiring to see A resting her thighs on the floor and fully able to extend her arms over her head in both. We always say that a pose looks impossible and then one day find ourselves in it, breathing and forgetting that it ever looked difficult. Hanumanasana…looks like something I just.can’t.do! But who knows? 

On to the fun stuff…one of my favorite things about A’s Saturday class is the focus on backbends. Backbending is fun for me. It doesn’t cause fear (anymore) and it feels soooooo good. I also find a curious lack of anxiety or defeat that I need to push out of my mind for other challenging postures (LBH stuff, inversions, notably). I’m at the start of my journey with backbends, having just started working on Intermediate this spring. Laghu Vajrasana kills me, but I am hoping some work on dropbacks and standing from UD will help me build the strength I need to do LV without dissolving to the ground in a pile of knees…then having to disengage from the reclined posture and push myself back up with my hands.

Today we did UD, then UD at the wall, pushing arms and chest to the wall, then walking hands up the wall, then pushing off the wall to standing. It was FUN! We moved on to dropping back, which I’ve only tried assisted a few times before. I started pigeon-toed, trying to rotate the thighs inward, hands on hips/sacrum and arching myself back, as instructed…from the beginning I could see my mat, so I had comfort. A showed me how to use my inhale to lengthen and exhale to deepen, which helped and soon I was seeing more of my mat. I found a place where I could hover (it felt like maybe indefinitely!) then brought my hands to prayer. This is when the assist started. She got me to bend my knees…which was difficult! The inward rotation of the thighs and the semi-upsidedownness combined in such a way that my brain couldn’t instruct my knees to bend. Eventually I got there. With A’s help my hands landed on my mat and then I came back up (used much more of her help coming back up).

It was interesting that even with very few vinyasas, and with the length of the holds, we still got heat. I was sweating buckets. It felt wonderful. There is something so satisfying about pushing that much water through your system…my body tends to hold it and hoard it, so it feels good to purge and start fresh. Sorry if that’s gross! But if you do Ashtanga, I guess vast quantities of sweat probably don’t gross you out too much…

After class I bought a camera so I will start posting some videos eventually to track my progress. I love reading blogs where the authors post videos, mine will not be as beautiful as theirs but it will be good for posterity!