Monday, May 10, 2010

The one that didn't get away

Tittibasana B is here to stay. I can't think of a single other asana that came one day and never left again, but I guess this is the one for me.

How come these difficult poses are so much easier once we are finally able to do the "full" expression??

Heels in kapo or at least a solid grip on the outside of the feet, inherent dread and emotion aside, feels so much better than toes. FWIW I never realized that kapo was loaded for me until recently. So many people experience intense emotion in the pose and I just didn't. I thought I was missing something. Well I realized today that I dread it. Hard. I love it, love it, but I dread it too. That second before the hands connect to the floor, still some natural human response there that practice has yet to erase. I think I just scientifically put my emotions for kapo in the category of "of course you don't feel right, this is SO NOT RIGHT to do with your back" even though I don't feel discomfort (anymore). Despite sucking it up and doing it, it is still emotion, still a response, still deep down not-yet-getting-the-message that this is totally OK for my back, actually good for my back. Still taking extra breaths, still fussing with my bobby my Equa straight and smooth? Perfectly straight and smooth???? Out out damned wrinkle!!!!

And how much harder is Mari D or Yoganidrasana when your hands are flailing and fingers streetttttttching trying to get that connection? How much nicer does it feel when you get it and you can really snug it right in there in a big juicy KNOT!

Even downdog. Remember downdog before your shoulders did the bulk of the work of primary, of reverse namaste, of binds to open them? Before you learn the rotation and the range of motion in your shoulders, which ones are good and which to avoid? When it all lived in your shaking burning totally incapable triceps?

The work in my shoulders remains for me the most significant transformation in my ashtanga experience so far. Apparently, for me, there was more samskaras to burn in my shoulders than anywhere else I've encountered in the body so far. Doesn't mean I won't find another frontier...but the work I did in my shoulders really tested me. Maybe because there was no escape from it. Like yeah I'm coming along with LBH but not every posture asks me to do this movement. I go to it, then I get a break, get to something I'm good at. Get to throw my ego a bone. Shoulders, if they are weak, if they are (god forbid) in pain of any just can't get away. Facing it in pretty much every breath.

Sorry, just thinkin' and writin' I had no idea this post would be all about my shoulders, it started off with my head between my legs. Hahaha! My shoulders are in a happy place right now. But the honest, repetitive, inescapable work of a bajillion chaturangas changed me as a yogi more than any bend of any kind. So far. Titti B is great though :-)