Wednesday, September 29, 2010

What was I thinking?

Why on earth did I sign up for pre-7am notifications of my "not correct"? In an environment designed to change the way I do things? Take things that feel good already and make them feel different, adjust me in things I want to do independently. Then change the rules once in a while.

I'm not saying that any of this is bad or unnecessary for my progress as a human being. There's got to be a lesson in there, and the discomfort will be worth it.

I'm starting to get this protective/defensive feeling now of "this is mine" about my practice that was never there before. I'm sure it is ego (what else would it be?) and therefore not good, but it is so strong. Feeling a little toxic, been permeating my practice. Have to sort this out.

I'm tempted to practice at home for a while to get through it, but I absolutely love the community aspect of mysore and could never give it up entirely.

This surrendering stuff is hard. I don't have any answers.