Through the week before the wedding, I was busy and stressed and looking forward to the return to normalcy after the spectacle was over. I kept focusing on Goa and my regular 4 practices a week plus stretches and home asana workshops with props in the evening (no, I don’t do the traditional 5 then 6 practice weeks). And as I fantasized about Goa, my escapist thinking was becoming more and more goal-oriented, as in “by the time Goa rolls around, maybe I will be able to do this…” and then worse “I want to be able to do this before I go to Goa”.
When I began yoga it was completely a physical workout. So it was natural to bring a level of achievement-oriented energy to it. Now that it has become something else for me, I am trying not to be so goal-oriented but it is difficult, I’m human!
The best I can do is be aware of it and try to rein it in as it happens. The compromise I am striking is to regard the regularity and frequency of my practice as a goal, more so than individual poses…so that I will seldom go two days without practicing and so that I will be on the mat more. And if I do that, everything else falls into place. I may not be doing Dwi Pada by January, but if my practice is regular and frequent, then I’m doing yoga.
Because I can’t help it, and because they will be the focus of posts over the next few months, here are the main challenges I face in 2nd.
Laghu Vajrasana – coming back up to kneeling
Bakasana – jumping into it
LBH – all of it, all the time
Tittibhasanas – can’t get the bind, or jump into it
Karandavasana - (Can't believe I forgot this one when I first wrote this post)
Mayurasana – I still don’t understand this one, and I say understand because I believe my body has the capacity, but I just don’t get it
Nakrasana – is “detest” too strong a word?
Backbends – I haven’t learned to drop back or stand up unassisted
There are a lot of other tweaks like the transitions between poses that I’m only still scratching the surface of and things like bringing the knee closer in Vatayanasana but I will leave that to a few years of regular practice. Those things don’t happen overnight and I’m happy to wait for them to appear as little surprises month by month. Primary was so joyful in that way! What a fun and rewarding year I had figuring it out.
So if I am lucky, perhaps ONE of these tricky asana will fall into place in the next little while, or I will learn something new in Goa that makes my brain and body click. And if not, perhaps Goa will teach me how not to be so goal-oriented.
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
Hm.
I was taking a pic of my new haircut to send my sister and I decided to video a jumpback attempt so I could see where I am...
I realize the angle is quite bad, sorry, it was spur of the moment. I am wearing super-cozy wigwam socks and flannel jammies and I have a slick-as-hell engineered hardwood floor...all factors contributing to how much easier it feels here than on my black mat (or an Equa or yogitoes) at the studio.
So it is pretty obvious I'm still struggling, but I am actually closer than I had thought. And by closer I don't mean like 90% there, I mean like more than 20% there, which is where I thought I was. I like numbers (see profile).
I'm glad I recorded it. Seeing it (more than 20%) makes me believe J that someday, even if it is in 8 years, I will be able to do it.
Two things I definitely need to work on are tucking myself in quite a bit smaller, folding up my legs tighter and more into my body (maybe navasana will help? what muscle am i engaging to do this, besides MB, the hip flexor?). Second thing is learning how to edit my videos, to cut out the start and finish.
I realize the angle is quite bad, sorry, it was spur of the moment. I am wearing super-cozy wigwam socks and flannel jammies and I have a slick-as-hell engineered hardwood floor...all factors contributing to how much easier it feels here than on my black mat (or an Equa or yogitoes) at the studio.
So it is pretty obvious I'm still struggling, but I am actually closer than I had thought. And by closer I don't mean like 90% there, I mean like more than 20% there, which is where I thought I was. I like numbers (see profile).
I'm glad I recorded it. Seeing it (more than 20%) makes me believe J that someday, even if it is in 8 years, I will be able to do it.
Two things I definitely need to work on are tucking myself in quite a bit smaller, folding up my legs tighter and more into my body (maybe navasana will help? what muscle am i engaging to do this, besides MB, the hip flexor?). Second thing is learning how to edit my videos, to cut out the start and finish.
PM Mysore, AM open practice
After a hiccup yesterday morning, today was my first early-bird practice and I loved it. It was tough to get out of bed, tough to drive without the benefit of coffee and my body was stiff and unyielding from 8 hours of sleep, the recent cooler temperatures and the memory of two previous days’ practices. But it was all good. The studio was toasty warm, and a teacher from the other side of town was there and already at Laghu Vajrasana when I arrived. I enjoyed his steady energy and the fact that he had already brought considerable warmth to the room. It is so inspiring to see a dude in his sixties rocking Bakasana B. I mean how on earth can that not motivate you?
Standing to Parsvottanasana, primary to Navasana…vinyasas between poses but none between sides. Correct, straight-leg navasana is becoming easier, I never thought I would say it but there it is. It’s possible, even for me with my shortish torso and longish legs.
On to 2nd through to Dwi Pada. Backbends at 7:00am are humbling, I’ll tell you that. I thought I knew my range and my limits and I was treated to an eye-opener when dropping into Kapo. It took me three hangbacks to get the confidence to even put my hands down. And once they were down, I stayed in B, I didn’t even consider trying to bring the hands back to my toes. It was god-awful. But I loved it. And someday, with more morning practice, I’ll be able to do it. Best of all, I was free to struggle, to hesitate, to muck up a pose and try it again, and to take a few extra breaths in downdog preparing for the next asana. I would never give up Mysore completely, I still need help and adjustments, but I like the freedom of struggling and finding my way a few times a week. I think I need those opportunities.
I was conservative with my timing and vinyasas this morning, erring on the side of cutting out poses and it’s a good thing, because I ended up with a 55-minute practice and just enough time to do it all…during breakfast I checked emails and stuff too, but I don’t want to give that time up.
6:40 alarm
6:52 in the car
6:58 on the mat
7:54 in the car
8:06 in the shower
8:21 breakfast
8:35 blowdry and get dressed
8:51 walking to work
9:01 at my desk
I’d much prefer closer to a 70-minute practice….if I set the alarm for 6:30 I can probably take it to Pincha, or do full standing, squeeze in more vinyasas in primary, or do full primary and no 2nd. Lots of options. I am resistant to anything earlier than 6:30, but maybe that will change in time. I set out my clothes for yoga and work the night before and set up the coffee too. This afternoon I got my hair cut shorter than it has been in nearly 10 years, so that is going to help considerably with the blowdrying time!
Last night in Mysore J walked me through the jumpthrough. She said, “every time your feet hit the mat on the way through, you are stopping your practice”. So we did a few tries…engage MB, tuck the hip and swing through and it was thrilling to find that it worked a couple times. Usually my feet skid but I end up getting through…when she coached me, a couple of times my feet came all the way through and my butt landed softly. I kept them up through the rest of last night’s practice but was losing it toward the end due to fatigue. I used the method this morning and I am going to keep trying.
We also talked about jump-backs (dread, sigh). She said she wants me to start with the pickup, then struggling through without moving my hands (I've been doing a pickup, then moving my hands in front of me)…she said she thinks I can actually do it if I just spend some time in the struggle. I tried today…it isn’t so bad. It is awkward and it slows things down but I can see the value in it. It is probably like the toe-roll, something that used to seem impossible, but if you try it every time you can eventually do it every time…I don't know if true jumpbacks are ever going to work on this body but I will definitely keep trying.
Standing to Parsvottanasana, primary to Navasana…vinyasas between poses but none between sides. Correct, straight-leg navasana is becoming easier, I never thought I would say it but there it is. It’s possible, even for me with my shortish torso and longish legs.
On to 2nd through to Dwi Pada. Backbends at 7:00am are humbling, I’ll tell you that. I thought I knew my range and my limits and I was treated to an eye-opener when dropping into Kapo. It took me three hangbacks to get the confidence to even put my hands down. And once they were down, I stayed in B, I didn’t even consider trying to bring the hands back to my toes. It was god-awful. But I loved it. And someday, with more morning practice, I’ll be able to do it. Best of all, I was free to struggle, to hesitate, to muck up a pose and try it again, and to take a few extra breaths in downdog preparing for the next asana. I would never give up Mysore completely, I still need help and adjustments, but I like the freedom of struggling and finding my way a few times a week. I think I need those opportunities.
I was conservative with my timing and vinyasas this morning, erring on the side of cutting out poses and it’s a good thing, because I ended up with a 55-minute practice and just enough time to do it all…during breakfast I checked emails and stuff too, but I don’t want to give that time up.
6:40 alarm
6:52 in the car
6:58 on the mat
7:54 in the car
8:06 in the shower
8:21 breakfast
8:35 blowdry and get dressed
8:51 walking to work
9:01 at my desk
I’d much prefer closer to a 70-minute practice….if I set the alarm for 6:30 I can probably take it to Pincha, or do full standing, squeeze in more vinyasas in primary, or do full primary and no 2nd. Lots of options. I am resistant to anything earlier than 6:30, but maybe that will change in time. I set out my clothes for yoga and work the night before and set up the coffee too. This afternoon I got my hair cut shorter than it has been in nearly 10 years, so that is going to help considerably with the blowdrying time!
Last night in Mysore J walked me through the jumpthrough. She said, “every time your feet hit the mat on the way through, you are stopping your practice”. So we did a few tries…engage MB, tuck the hip and swing through and it was thrilling to find that it worked a couple times. Usually my feet skid but I end up getting through…when she coached me, a couple of times my feet came all the way through and my butt landed softly. I kept them up through the rest of last night’s practice but was losing it toward the end due to fatigue. I used the method this morning and I am going to keep trying.
We also talked about jump-backs (dread, sigh). She said she wants me to start with the pickup, then struggling through without moving my hands (I've been doing a pickup, then moving my hands in front of me)…she said she thinks I can actually do it if I just spend some time in the struggle. I tried today…it isn’t so bad. It is awkward and it slows things down but I can see the value in it. It is probably like the toe-roll, something that used to seem impossible, but if you try it every time you can eventually do it every time…I don't know if true jumpbacks are ever going to work on this body but I will definitely keep trying.
Monday, September 28, 2009
Morning Practice?
This morning I went to the studio to practice (per website open 6:30-8:00am) but it was locked up! I arrived at 6:50 and waited outside until 7:05 but no dice...disappointed. I have been thinking about making a move toward morning practices for a while and changing my work hours to 9-6. It has the double benefit of reducing overtime since I'm going in later plus having my evenings free.
Not going to happen today. By the time I cut it off, I was glad to have some coffee and a bagel. I'll go to Mysore tonight and mention it to J, see if she's still allowing open practice in the mornings...third benefit, it isn't mysore so i can get away with no adjustments!
I thought (for a millisecond) about going to another studio nearby that I know has 6am Mysore, but I didn't have my mat. Or money.
Hopefully if work doesn't tie me down I can make it to regular Mysore tonight and post a practice diary...if not I will post some Goa thoughts.
Not going to happen today. By the time I cut it off, I was glad to have some coffee and a bagel. I'll go to Mysore tonight and mention it to J, see if she's still allowing open practice in the mornings...third benefit, it isn't mysore so i can get away with no adjustments!
I thought (for a millisecond) about going to another studio nearby that I know has 6am Mysore, but I didn't have my mat. Or money.
Hopefully if work doesn't tie me down I can make it to regular Mysore tonight and post a practice diary...if not I will post some Goa thoughts.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Primary and part of 2nd
Today was my first day back to the studio after the honeymoon and I was so excited when I woke up! I was expecting some tough going, for the transitions to feel difficult and for exhaustion to set in early. But it didn’t…we did a quiet practice with no one calling out breath counts. Most of the time we were on count together, but I could tell it had relaxed a bit in that a few others were going at their own pace.
I’ve mentioned before, that I love the chaturanga-updog-downdog between standing and seated. I think it is the warmth of the body after standing and how much smoother it feels than earlier in the Suryas. Anyway, today it felt extra heavenly…
The marichyasanas were fine, they’ll be tighter again after a few more practices, I still crap out on the Bhujapidasana head-to-floor and back up bit, which hasn’t improved with stopping at navasana to go to 2nd. Today I didn’t even trust myself to lower my head. So I will work on that in the evenings a bit I think. I barely caught the bind in Supta K and brought my feet to touch but didn’t cross. My navasana was straight legs all the way (all five times!). A suitable first day back to school. I’ve had better practices but I loved how I felt (energized, not depleted) so that was enough for me.
We finished primary and remarkably (for me) I still felt fresh and able to do more. I wasn’t “wrung out” yet, as J would say. I didn’t go to close, just contemplated for a second and then J asked me if I was waiting for her to tell me what to do…I said no, I was trying to decide what I had in me to do. She said “go to Ustrasana” so I did. I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved that I wouldn’t be doing Laghu Vaj or Kapo but I didn’t want to ask for them so I decided I was relieved.
For the first time, sweat was a problem in Pashasana! I never had the problem with slippage before, but it caught me up on the left side. Right was fine. I still don’t know if I will ever get the wrist in this one, but fingers are fine for now. In hindsight I had it in me, so I probably should have gone through to Bakasana, my Ustrasana felt super open and I could tell the Kapo would have been a good one. Next Sunday perhaps.
J’s normal policy is to give dropbacks only after full 2nd. Since I will only do full 2nd once or twice a week, I’ve decided to work a little harder in urdhva dhanurasana the other days to continue this work. Walk the hands in a little more, lift a little higher, get more into the shoulders and thoracic. Straighten the legs a bit more. Today I watched (semi-longingly) as A did her backbends. So amazing!
I’ve mentioned before, that I love the chaturanga-updog-downdog between standing and seated. I think it is the warmth of the body after standing and how much smoother it feels than earlier in the Suryas. Anyway, today it felt extra heavenly…
The marichyasanas were fine, they’ll be tighter again after a few more practices, I still crap out on the Bhujapidasana head-to-floor and back up bit, which hasn’t improved with stopping at navasana to go to 2nd. Today I didn’t even trust myself to lower my head. So I will work on that in the evenings a bit I think. I barely caught the bind in Supta K and brought my feet to touch but didn’t cross. My navasana was straight legs all the way (all five times!). A suitable first day back to school. I’ve had better practices but I loved how I felt (energized, not depleted) so that was enough for me.
We finished primary and remarkably (for me) I still felt fresh and able to do more. I wasn’t “wrung out” yet, as J would say. I didn’t go to close, just contemplated for a second and then J asked me if I was waiting for her to tell me what to do…I said no, I was trying to decide what I had in me to do. She said “go to Ustrasana” so I did. I wasn’t sure if I was disappointed or relieved that I wouldn’t be doing Laghu Vaj or Kapo but I didn’t want to ask for them so I decided I was relieved.
For the first time, sweat was a problem in Pashasana! I never had the problem with slippage before, but it caught me up on the left side. Right was fine. I still don’t know if I will ever get the wrist in this one, but fingers are fine for now. In hindsight I had it in me, so I probably should have gone through to Bakasana, my Ustrasana felt super open and I could tell the Kapo would have been a good one. Next Sunday perhaps.
J’s normal policy is to give dropbacks only after full 2nd. Since I will only do full 2nd once or twice a week, I’ve decided to work a little harder in urdhva dhanurasana the other days to continue this work. Walk the hands in a little more, lift a little higher, get more into the shoulders and thoracic. Straighten the legs a bit more. Today I watched (semi-longingly) as A did her backbends. So amazing!
Saturday, September 26, 2009
The Liberator
Months ago, on one of my favorite blogs, I happened upon a description of a tool/prop used to aid in dropping back from standing or into Kapo. It was called the Dune and basically it is a wedge-shaped mat used for tumbling drills in gymnastics. I decided that I needed to have one.
Thus began a months-long hunt for this product online, in gym equipment stores and industrial parks…I even emailed an acquaintance who works for the school board distributing gym equipment to see if he could hook me up. Turns out he is mostly into football and probably confused to no end why I needed such a thing. None of the online distributors could ship to Canada…disappointment at every turn.
Then….I saw the movie Burn After Reading, and realized there was another application (and therefore source) for the prop. So my traipsing online took a detour into Adult Furniture (yes) and I continued my hunt in sex shops throughout three provinces, online to many purveyors who would not ship to Canada and finally found a website that could help me out and promised discreet shipping to the great north. Sold!
Edit - the packaging was not as "discreet" as promised...:-)
I finally received "The Liberator", a wedge mat covered in durable black microfiber (I ordered blue, to make it less obvious, but they sent me black anyways).
Anyhoo – the point of the post is to draw attention to a couple other (yoga) uses for the liberator…I’ve been using it at the beginning of Pincha Mayurasana to get my toes up a little higher and therefore my hips/pelvis in the right place earlier in the attempt. It really made a big difference for me in my pincha mayurasana journey, and also relieved the tenderness in the pad of the bottom foot from repeated attempts at kicking up and coming back down onto one foot (I know I should do it double-footed, hopefully I can someday).
Karandavasana is a lofty goal. In all likelihood it won’t ever be possible for me, but I will still try, so I envision using the liberator to cushion my many, many falls.
H has trouble with Sirsasana and we used the Liberator to get her taking off from a higher point. She actually hung out in teddy bear stand for longer than she ever has (I don’t think it was just the liberator, she had E and I screaming supportively at her that she was “up! UP!”). I wish we’d had more time to practice together and work on it. I can totally tell from the attempts that I saw that she is so close. Like a couple hours of practice with someone beside her to debrief (too far with hips, not far enough) and she would likely nail it. I’m lucky that Sirsasana came to me so easily, I learned it as a kid.
I also use the Liberator in some of my Pre-LBH stretches and I recline on it after I get LBH and tire of holding my leg with hands and neck. I lean back onto the liberator and let gravity do some of the work while I continue the hip opening.
I adore my liberator - money well spent!
Thus began a months-long hunt for this product online, in gym equipment stores and industrial parks…I even emailed an acquaintance who works for the school board distributing gym equipment to see if he could hook me up. Turns out he is mostly into football and probably confused to no end why I needed such a thing. None of the online distributors could ship to Canada…disappointment at every turn.
Then….I saw the movie Burn After Reading, and realized there was another application (and therefore source) for the prop. So my traipsing online took a detour into Adult Furniture (yes) and I continued my hunt in sex shops throughout three provinces, online to many purveyors who would not ship to Canada and finally found a website that could help me out and promised discreet shipping to the great north. Sold!
Edit - the packaging was not as "discreet" as promised...:-)
I finally received "The Liberator", a wedge mat covered in durable black microfiber (I ordered blue, to make it less obvious, but they sent me black anyways).
Anyhoo – the point of the post is to draw attention to a couple other (yoga) uses for the liberator…I’ve been using it at the beginning of Pincha Mayurasana to get my toes up a little higher and therefore my hips/pelvis in the right place earlier in the attempt. It really made a big difference for me in my pincha mayurasana journey, and also relieved the tenderness in the pad of the bottom foot from repeated attempts at kicking up and coming back down onto one foot (I know I should do it double-footed, hopefully I can someday).
Karandavasana is a lofty goal. In all likelihood it won’t ever be possible for me, but I will still try, so I envision using the liberator to cushion my many, many falls.
H has trouble with Sirsasana and we used the Liberator to get her taking off from a higher point. She actually hung out in teddy bear stand for longer than she ever has (I don’t think it was just the liberator, she had E and I screaming supportively at her that she was “up! UP!”). I wish we’d had more time to practice together and work on it. I can totally tell from the attempts that I saw that she is so close. Like a couple hours of practice with someone beside her to debrief (too far with hips, not far enough) and she would likely nail it. I’m lucky that Sirsasana came to me so easily, I learned it as a kid.
I also use the Liberator in some of my Pre-LBH stretches and I recline on it after I get LBH and tire of holding my leg with hands and neck. I lean back onto the liberator and let gravity do some of the work while I continue the hip opening.
I adore my liberator - money well spent!
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Wedding, Yogis
The wedding was amazing. Cold, rainy, harsh winds and it was still beautiful…we still took photos outside too.
There were a handful of yogis at my wedding! I had the good fortune to spend a bit of time talking to an Iyengar yogi in her fifth year of certification process and she was somewhat disillusioned with the style…she has reached the point where they are doing backbends out of sirsasana and she is finding it painful and knows some other yogis who have hurt themselves. She has two young kids and wonders if it is worth it. She started in Bikram, then Ashtanga, then Iyengar. We were discussing the differences between Iyengar and Ashtanga and she said she would find it boring doing the same thing each day. If you’d asked me earlier this year I would have agreed with her. But now that I’m working on intermediate, I have plenty to keep me busy, between keeping my primary up to speed and creating some ease in intermediate (a long way to go there). I feel for her that she has come this far and is now having doubts. Any other style would take her, with her dedication!
I also caught up with a friend who brought me to my first yoga class. He is now teaching some Power Flow classes and practices Ashtanga on his own time. We had such a great time chatting and sharing our experiences. He is in a creative field of work so he craves the regularity that Ashtanga provides. He was the one who introduced me (and my friend H who is taking teacher training) to our beloved first teacher Alex. He’s based out of Orlando, hasn’t been down to Miami to see Kino MacGregor but I suggested that he go…
I also “played yoga” a bit with H, not a practice but we showed eachother what we’re working on. We spoke a lot about the divergence in our styles since the time we were roommates but I’ll go into more detail on that one later. It was so interesting, considering we came from an identical background! But something different attracted each of us to where we ended up. I thought I might be able to “sell” her on Ashtanga but she’s just as passionate about Power/Vinyasa/Flow, and she’s totally committed so I know she’ll stay there and carry on. Her updog/downdog transition is really something amazing to see…whatever she’s been doing for two years is working…she can actually slip a chaturanga/plank in there (yes, like a MAN) before sliding back to downdog. It’s unreal. Anyhow, have to save some details for my next posts
Because of the busy-ness of the wedding and honeymoon I haven’t been blogging so I’ve been thinking up some posts that I want to write and one of them is about Goa and what it means to me and how I’ll be spending the next three months. It was interesting when I examined how I was thinking about it and what my motivations were. I probably won’t post again until the honeymoon is over so hopefully I’ll have that train of thought worked out by then.
There were a handful of yogis at my wedding! I had the good fortune to spend a bit of time talking to an Iyengar yogi in her fifth year of certification process and she was somewhat disillusioned with the style…she has reached the point where they are doing backbends out of sirsasana and she is finding it painful and knows some other yogis who have hurt themselves. She has two young kids and wonders if it is worth it. She started in Bikram, then Ashtanga, then Iyengar. We were discussing the differences between Iyengar and Ashtanga and she said she would find it boring doing the same thing each day. If you’d asked me earlier this year I would have agreed with her. But now that I’m working on intermediate, I have plenty to keep me busy, between keeping my primary up to speed and creating some ease in intermediate (a long way to go there). I feel for her that she has come this far and is now having doubts. Any other style would take her, with her dedication!
I also caught up with a friend who brought me to my first yoga class. He is now teaching some Power Flow classes and practices Ashtanga on his own time. We had such a great time chatting and sharing our experiences. He is in a creative field of work so he craves the regularity that Ashtanga provides. He was the one who introduced me (and my friend H who is taking teacher training) to our beloved first teacher Alex. He’s based out of Orlando, hasn’t been down to Miami to see Kino MacGregor but I suggested that he go…
I also “played yoga” a bit with H, not a practice but we showed eachother what we’re working on. We spoke a lot about the divergence in our styles since the time we were roommates but I’ll go into more detail on that one later. It was so interesting, considering we came from an identical background! But something different attracted each of us to where we ended up. I thought I might be able to “sell” her on Ashtanga but she’s just as passionate about Power/Vinyasa/Flow, and she’s totally committed so I know she’ll stay there and carry on. Her updog/downdog transition is really something amazing to see…whatever she’s been doing for two years is working…she can actually slip a chaturanga/plank in there (yes, like a MAN) before sliding back to downdog. It’s unreal. Anyhow, have to save some details for my next posts
Because of the busy-ness of the wedding and honeymoon I haven’t been blogging so I’ve been thinking up some posts that I want to write and one of them is about Goa and what it means to me and how I’ll be spending the next three months. It was interesting when I examined how I was thinking about it and what my motivations were. I probably won’t post again until the honeymoon is over so hopefully I’ll have that train of thought worked out by then.
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