Through the week before the wedding, I was busy and stressed and looking forward to the return to normalcy after the spectacle was over. I kept focusing on Goa and my regular 4 practices a week plus stretches and home asana workshops with props in the evening (no, I don’t do the traditional 5 then 6 practice weeks). And as I fantasized about Goa, my escapist thinking was becoming more and more goal-oriented, as in “by the time Goa rolls around, maybe I will be able to do this…” and then worse “I want to be able to do this before I go to Goa”.
When I began yoga it was completely a physical workout. So it was natural to bring a level of achievement-oriented energy to it. Now that it has become something else for me, I am trying not to be so goal-oriented but it is difficult, I’m human!
The best I can do is be aware of it and try to rein it in as it happens. The compromise I am striking is to regard the regularity and frequency of my practice as a goal, more so than individual poses…so that I will seldom go two days without practicing and so that I will be on the mat more. And if I do that, everything else falls into place. I may not be doing Dwi Pada by January, but if my practice is regular and frequent, then I’m doing yoga.
Because I can’t help it, and because they will be the focus of posts over the next few months, here are the main challenges I face in 2nd.
Laghu Vajrasana – coming back up to kneeling
Bakasana – jumping into it
LBH – all of it, all the time
Tittibhasanas – can’t get the bind, or jump into it
Karandavasana - (Can't believe I forgot this one when I first wrote this post)
Mayurasana – I still don’t understand this one, and I say understand because I believe my body has the capacity, but I just don’t get it
Nakrasana – is “detest” too strong a word?
Backbends – I haven’t learned to drop back or stand up unassisted
There are a lot of other tweaks like the transitions between poses that I’m only still scratching the surface of and things like bringing the knee closer in Vatayanasana but I will leave that to a few years of regular practice. Those things don’t happen overnight and I’m happy to wait for them to appear as little surprises month by month. Primary was so joyful in that way! What a fun and rewarding year I had figuring it out.
So if I am lucky, perhaps ONE of these tricky asana will fall into place in the next little while, or I will learn something new in Goa that makes my brain and body click. And if not, perhaps Goa will teach me how not to be so goal-oriented.